OUCH!!

Poor baby! Yes, Aislinn had her first shots today and she definitely hated it. I've heard about babies not really realizing what's going on with the first shot and starting to cry on the second shot, not my baby. They inserted the needle and she let out a loud cry and it apparently stunned her so much that she didn't even want to breathe back in. Her mouth hung completely open void of sound, tears welling up in her eyes and her face was beet red. The nurse tapped her a bit to get her to just breathe in again and just let her crying out. She did and then didn't stop crying for 15 minutes. She looked kind of sad and groggy when we got home.



I changed her diaper and then breastfed her for about 45 minutes before putting her down for a nap. She woke up on her own 4 hours later and I fed her again. She slept again after that, right through her usual fussy time. I slept right through it too. She woke up a little bit after Howie came home. She was feeling a little warm so we took her temperature. Howie had watched them take her temperature at the hospital so he graciously agreed to take her temperature with the rectal thermometer. I had read online that she may poop AFTER we FINISH taking her temperature. That was a lie. While Howie had the thermometer in she started grunting and pushing. There it was - poop! She was pushing so hard that she pushed the thermometer right out. We had to do it a second time and she did have a temperature of 100.1. As I was cleaning her up and about to put on a new diaper some very liquid poo came shooting out of her butt. SHOOTING! That was the end of the poop. We cleaned her up and I gave her some liquid Tylenol. Now she's hanging out in her swing smiling at her Daddy. Things seem to be going well so far. Thank God! We have to give her a bath later because she's getting her picture taking in the morning. No, I wasn't stupid enough to schedule photos for the day after her shots, her shots had been scheduled for April 4th but the doctor's office called yesterday to reschedule the appointment for today. The doctor wasn't going to be in on the 4th.

I had my doctor appointment on Wednesday. They have just moved into their new office and everything is out of whack. I'll cut them some slack because I remember how crazy things were after we moved our office from one building to another and everything was all crazy for a few weeks. I was on time, which is almost shocking these days. The office was full of people who all seemed to be a little on edge because the office was running behind so everyone was waiting for a while. I waited an hour and watched people who had come in before and after me come and go. Finally one of the nurses called me back and explained that someone was supposed to call me that morning to tell me that Dr. Hot-Stuff had an emergency and wouldn't be able to see me so Dr. Talks-to-Much would see me instead at their office in the hospital which is back in the town where I live! The nurse was so sorry. So, instead of having me reschedule my appointment they were faxing my file over to Dr. Talks-to-Much at the hospital. She would look at the ultrasound and then call the new office where I was waiting and talk to me over the phone. Yeah! Seriously! I have to say, I don't care that I was talking to someone over the phone. I wish that Dr. Hot-Stuff would have just called me with the results two weeks ago. Anyway, I waited another 15 minutes before the nurse came back out to tell me that Dr. Talks-to-Much wanted Dr. Hot-Stuff to talk to me herself. So, they were going to have Dr. Hot-Stuff call me at home as soon as she got out of labor and delivery. Later that afternoon she called and told me that there was about half a centimeter of membrane left and there would be concern IF I was still bleeding because that would mean that my uterus wasn't contracting properly or something. I have stopped bleeding so everything is fine. I can't believe I waited two weeks to hear that. I mean, I had convinced myself that I had cancer and even wrote up a will. That's partly my fault for being totally nuts, but it would have been nice to not have to schedule an appointment to get that info. I know that they have been busy with moving and wrapping things up at one place and moving to the next place. I wish they had been more organized. They are a good group of doctors though, they're WAY better than the doctor I had in VA.

So that's my week. The weekend will be very busy with pictures being taken tomorrow and an early Passover dinner with Howie's parents on Sunday. The highlight of my weekend? You won't believe it. Here it is!



Yeah, a bottle of water. What you should know about me is that I am a bottled water snob. I love bottled water, sometimes for the actual taste of the water, sometimes for the bottles. In this case all I can say is that I am attracted to this bottled water for the bottle. I have been watching Courtney Cox drink it on Dirt and every wannabe designer on Top Design drink it. I went on a mad search over the internet for this exact water and ended up finding a picture of Lindsay Lohan drinking it. I magnified the picture as if I were on CSI except she was holding the bottle sideways and I was unable to read the gigantic letters spelling out V-O-S-S! Howie and I both searched google and both came up with VOSS water. Howie then hunted it down in NYC at some coffee shop across from his office and brought it home to me. I have been saving it for the perfect moment all week. This weekend I will drink it all up and maybe I will love the taste as much as I love the bottle. I don't know but I hope that I do!

Two Months!!

Happy two month birthday to my preshus baybee!



How are we spending this exciting day? Well, I have returned to work and she is peacefully sleeping in her swing. All is good... so far.

Her two month doctor visit is next week. I'm dreading it. My little peanut has to get her shots. My heart is already breaking. I know, I know! She will be just fine. I'm just crazy.

My doctor appointment is on Wednesday. The doctor apparently called me to make sure that I had scheduled my follow up appointment. Whatever. I have no more to say until I go to the appointment. I'll probably feel like a total fool for being so worried because she'll probably tell me it's nothing.

Back to Aislinn. I don't want to jinx it but a couple of times in the past week her fussy time was shorter than usual and I think it was actually non-existent yesterday. I'm sure that fussy time hasn't completely disappeared and I guarantee that it will reappear today since it's my first day back at work, I'm just very grateful that it's on it's way out. She still hates tummy time but has started to enjoy bath time. We even get to see smiles during her bath. I love it!

She LOVES Daddy very much. We put her in her baby papasan while we were eating on Friday and she didn't take her eyes off of her Daddy throughout the entire meal. It was too sweet. She did the same thing while we gave her a bath this weekend. It's just too cute.

She now holds her head up 90% when on her belly and most of the time can hold her head still. She rolls over from belly to back. She likes to sleep sideways in her crib, even though we put her in the right way. She makes all kinds of cute little noises, smiles, and laughs. Her best friends are the two butterflies and one bird that rotate above her on her swing. She's getting to know Eli the Elephant but they're taking things slow.

She hasn't really noticed the cat, Kirby, yet. Kirby has definitely noticed her and has recently decided that she's not too bad. He doesn't mind being her big brother.

I have had more time to eat during the day, which is great. Not just eat but also to prepare food. That means I'm back to eating all my happy healthy foods. Woohoo! Ok, lunch is easy for now because soon after lunch Aislinn may get fussy and there's no time for anything until dinner. So lunch is going to be soup or a quick sandwich. Breakfast is a variation of Dr. Oz's (Oprah's doctor) morning shake. If you make it his way it's kind of bland and all you can taste is protein powder, so I add more juice. Any juice will do. I also use strawberries instead of blueberries. Either will do. Then I have eggs with onions and cheese. Dinner is usually chicken of some sort and LOTS of veggies. I LOVE veggies. If there is time for a snack I'll have baby carrots and hummus. I still miss the hummus from Spice of Life Cafe in VA. Their hummus is so smooth and tasty. I have also been chugging water and taking walks whenever the weather and Aislinn will permit. Soon I will be joining a gym and starting Mommy and Me Yoga. I can't wait to start exercising again.

Ok, well, I need to get back to work and pretty soon I'll have to feed Aislinn. I'm feeling pretty confident today that I'll be able to do both at the same time. We'll see how I feel at the end of the day. Hopefully it'll all go well.

Seven Weeks

Aislinn has been sleeping in her crib for almost a week now. She looks so tiny in her big crib. She's doing well sleeping in her own room. This morning she was crying a bit. When I went in to get her and unwrapped her from the blanket she was swaddled in she seemed to calm down. I think she was a little to warm. I changed her diaper and put her back in her crib to wash my hands. When I came back in she was kind of looking around smiling. I turned her little lamb mobile on. She watched it and kind of "talked" to herself and the lambs for another half hour. She's getting to be a little better at entertaining herself which is nice. Believe me, I love to hold her and play with her but sometimes I have things I have to do, like work. I start working again on Monday. We can't afford daycare so I have to work and take care of her. I'm kind of worried about it because I feel like I won't be able to give the time that I should be giving to both Aislinn and my job. I kind of think that daycare would be good for her, socializing with other kids and stuff. On the other hand I might miss when she does something new for the first time. The thought of missing that breaks my heart. That's selfish though. It doesn't matter, like I said, we can't afford daycare. We will be able to afford Mommy & Me Yoga and hopefully My Little Gym or something. Plus, she has a whole lot of cousins just 1 hour and 45 minutes away. One first cousin and a ton of second cousins. Once she is a little less delicate she'll be able to play with all of them.

As I had mentioned in a previous post, Aislinn's mikvah (Jewish ritual bath) was scheduled for Monday but the Cantor got her days mixed up. We had to go back on Tuesday to get it done. Before going in we asked the Cantor if I had to completely submerge Aislinn and she said that I should. I didn't really want to do it but I figured that if I just dunked her really fast maybe it wouldn't be too bad. The water was so nice and warm. I think I could have floated around in there all day. One thing that I thought was really weird was that it was really hard to keep my feet on the bottom of the pool, even when I was walking in on the stairs. I didn't taste it, but maybe it was salt water. REALLY salty water. Like the Red Sea. Because Aislinn and I were so buoyant in the water it was really hard to dunk her. I almost had to pull her under and I couldn't do it quickly so she opened her mouth as the water started to run over her face and swallowed it. I quickly pulled her up and she started coughing. I felt awful! I almost cried. I looked up at Howie and the Cantor and I think it was understood that I wasn't going to put her under the water so a half a dunk would just have to do. The cantor said two more prayers and I half dunked her two more times and that was it. Now she's Jewish!

One new cool thing Aislinn has been doing for the past couple of days is smiling when she sees Howie or me. The other day she woke up in her swing crying. When I went to get her out she stopped crying and this huge smile came over her face. It was adorable. She did it for Howie too. She's doing it all the time now and I love it. It's awesome to see her respond to us that way. Now we know that she recognizes us and that she's happy to see us. She knows that we're the people that love her and take care of her. I just makes me melt when she smiles at me. Ok! Everything she does makes me melt. I can't believe that you can love someone this much. I think my heart might just explode and that I couldn't love her more but everyday I do love her more than the last. Even when I feel like she's trying my patience I get caught up in her sweetness. I also think that she might think I'm goofy, I don't know, but she seems to be humored when I sing (badly!) to her while changing her diapers. This is something I only do when I'm alone with her because I don't have a good singing voice. I used to sing to my cat when we were alone. I'd make up new words adding "cat" and "Kirby"in here and there so that it was personalized just for him. I think he likes it too. Now I do that for her. I'm such a dork.

So, the real reason I'm blogging now is to distract myself. I feel like I used to when waiting for my fertility nurse to call with my test results. Right now I'm waiting for my doctor to call. My follow up appointment is on March 28th, no different than it was the last time I blogged about this. I had decided to stop thinking and obsessing over the thing in my uterus because if it was urgent then the doctor would have talked to me herself or I assume would have told the nurse that she wanted to see me ASAP. Perhaps something was not communicated properly between Dr. Hot Stuff, the nurse and me. I'm not sure, but yesterday I missed a call from Dr. Hot Stuff. I was so pissed that I missed the call. She called herself, not the nurse, and said that she was calling to discuss my ultrasound and to give her a call back. I called her back as soon as I got the message but I'm forced to leave a message for the stupid nurse who then passes my message along to Dr. Hot Stuff. UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I know that the stupid nurse doesn't check the messages until 4:00 pm and then who knows if the doctor will call you back. I didn't get a call yesterday so I'm hoping to get one today. I'm not going to call again because what is the point? If I don't get a call back today then I'll just wait to see her on the 28th. The problem is that I'm obsessing about the ultrasound again because now she's is calling me herself a week later. Maybe she did want to see me sooner and the nurse didn't convey that message. I will update you when and if I get a call. I'm sure it's nothing, but I'm driving myself crazy. It's all my fault for consulting Dr. Google. I barely got any sleep last night thinking about endometrial cancer. I'm nuts. I'm just driving myself crazy. I'm sure it's nothing, maybe just a polyp? I guess it's something because something is there, but it's probably nothing fatal. Ok, I'm going to just end the post now because I'm just having a meltdown right here on my site. I'll keep you updated! In the meantime, look at this goofy smile!

Alter Egos

Howie and I both have alter egos. There's "Weekend Howie" and "Caffeinated Amy". Our alter egos are much more pleasant to be around. Weekend Howie is very relaxed and has a really good sense of humor. Caffeinated Amy appears when Weekend Howie drags her out of Regular Amy with either a venti caramel macchiato or a large Dunkin Donuts coffee. Caffeinated Amy instantly starts to create new iTunes playlists and updates her iPod. Music only makes Caffeinated Amy that much more desirable to be around. Caffeinated Amy is much like the second alter ego "Inebriated Amy". The one difference between those two is that Caffeinated Amy is a lot less sloppy than Inebriated Amy. Both Weekend Howie and Caffeinated Amy often get together and start power cleaning. Caffeinated Amy dances around singing to the music on her iPod while doing laundry, vacuuming, and general reorganization of the house. Weekend Howie often gets very flirtatious during the cleaning because he's very turned on by how motivated Caffeinated Amy is. These two usually emerge on a Friday night. The night usually ends with a nice shower and then they head to bed. Weekend Howie usually refuels Caffeinated Amy with a coffee on Saturday morning and sometimes even lights all the candles in the house so that Caffeinated Amy awakes to pleasant scents and a hot beverage while he makes breakfast which is sometimes served in bed. Occationally Caffeinated Amy will cook breakfast, but it is usually Weekend Howie because he's totally a morning person. The rest of the weekend is spent enjoying the clean house, watching movies and on sunny days a shopping trip in Westport or New Canaan.

Oh how I LOVE the weekends! Happy Weekend everyone!

Thanks to everyone who actually bothered reading my first paragraph, I'm high on caffeine. Also thanks to those of you who commented on my last blog. It makes me feel better to hear from you, a lot better.

We are about to head to bed because even though the caffeine is a major mood enhancer for me it doesn't keep me awake. I could close my eyes and be out for the rest of the night without any problem. Tonight will be Aislinn's first night sleeping in her own room. I'm sure she'll do better than I will. I had to give up the family bassinet to my cousin who just had a baby girl.

Dr. Google and My Uterus

I went in for my ultrasound on Monday to find out why I was still bleeding. First, I must say, the dildo cam hurts like hell right now. Just when I get the green light from the doctor and think that I might want to get it on with my husband again I get wanded and now I think I might need to wait a bit longer. It's still a bit tender where I had been stitched up. Anyway, moving on! The ultrasound tech did find something there. She appeared to be concerned, but didn't flip out. She decided that she had to look at it in 3D too. Then she decided to look at my ovaries which are COVERED in cysts right now. Woohooo! YAY PCOS!! So, she said that she would have the doctor look at the ultrasound and get back to me. I waited the rest of Monday to hear something, then part of Tuesday before Howie couldn't wait anymore and actually called the doctor's office himself. At the end of the day I got a call from one of the nurses saying that Dr. Hot Stuff had a half day and was working at the hospital so she wasn't able to take a look at the ultrasounds yet but they were going to have the ultrasounds faxed to the hospital office so that she could look at them on Wednesday. I waited half of the day on Wednesday before calling and left another message asking if they could please have Dr. Hot Stuff look at the ultrasounds and call me ASAP. Reason being that my curiosity got the better of me and I turned to Dr. Google. Dr. Google told me that worst case scenario I could have endometrial cancer. Maybe it's just a polyp or maybe it's cancer, who knows. It's not a piece of my placenta because that was completely intact. So, later that day I got a call back from the nurse. Dr. Hot Stuff had looked at the ultrasounds and said that it may or may not be something (NO SHIT!) but she'd really like to see me again for a follow up with her in the office. They transferred me to the receptionist who was unable to give me anything sooner than a March 28th appointment because they are moving to a new office. Whatever. I am sure that if it were possibly cancer, if she thought it was then she would have told the nurse to tell me I had to come in right away and they would have already checked the schedule for this week to see where they could squeeze me in. I'm not going to think about it right now because I'll make myself crazy. I already did while waiting to hear back from the doctor. I spent a lot of time crying just thinking about how I just had Aislinn and how sad it would be if I did end up having cancer and I was so sick I could barely do anything with her, or that I would miss out on things I would have done with her in the first year. Worse, what if I died and missed out on her whole life. She'd never remember me. I need to pull it together, it's so not cancer! I'm just nuts, and I should NOT consult Dr. Google.

Moving on to other things. Aislinn rolled over yesterday!!! I decided that since she hates tummy time right now that just putting her down for a few moments here and there is better than designating specific time to that. So after I change her diaper and need to wash my hands I put her down on her play mat on the floor. While I'm in the bathroom I can see her so it's not like I totally left her completely unattended. While I was washing my hands she rolled over! She does it all the time now, within moments of being placed on her belly. I guess that's what I get for forcing the tummy time on her, she found a way to get off her belly on her own. LOL! Anyway, here's a video of it.

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My Postpartum Appointment and Other Stuff

I went in for my postpartum OB/GYN appointment today. Before Dr. Hot Stuff came in the nurse asked me if I had my first period yet and I told her that I didn't know because I had never stopped bleeding since the delivery. I didn't think anything of it because I figured it was normal. When the doctor came in she asked me if the bleeding had stopped as she was opening my file and I said no. She thought that was a bit odd and told me that if it doesn't stop in two more weeks then she'll want me to come in for an ultrasound. Once we started the exam and she saw how heavily I was bleeding she told me that she wanted me to come in for an ultrasound on Monday. So there you go, I'm going in for an ultrasound on Monday. I have barely gone a week without an ultrasound in the past two years, so that's just fine. I just hope that everything is ok. I didn't even ask what could be wrong because I don't want to know until they know what's up. I'm sick of obsessing and worrying about my female functions when I clearly have no control over them. I have a whole weekend before the ultrasound and if I think about it too much or spend all kinds of time on Google I'll just drive myself nuts. Instead I'm going to enjoy the weekend, especially going out for a few drinks with our neighbors tomorrow night. It has been forever since I went out for drinks and I REALLY miss my favorite drinking/infertility buddy, Lesley, in VA. LESLEY!!! I MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! A cosmo just isn't a cosmo without her. Oh, and one last note on my appointment with Dr. Hot Stuff. She asked me "And what about birth control?" I replied, "Well, my husband and I discussed it and we weren't really sure it's necessary since I don't actually ovulate." Seriously, why should I waste my money??? She then asked, "So if you happen to get pregnant that's ok?" I kind of laughed, "If I get pregnant that would be a miracle." I highly doubt being pregnant and giving birth has magically jump started my reproductive cycle.

Enough about my uterus and it's dysfunctions. Howie and I have been working on planning a Jewish baby naming for Aislinn. Many of you may be confused about why a couple with a baby with a very Irish name and an Irish mommy are planning a Jewish baby naming. Howie's Jewish and I'm working on my conversion. I was working on it while we were still living in VA but our temple decided to create a big class for a large group of people and I was ahead of them, so I had to wait for the others to catch up. Now we're living in CT and I have to get back on track here. Since I hadn't converted before Aislinn's birth she isn't considered to be Jewish, so she needs to have a mikvah before her baby naming so that she will officially be Jewish. I didn't think I would be able to participate since I am not Jewish yet, but the Cantor who is a woman and performing the ceremony can allow me to dunk Aislinn in the bath under her supervision. So, now I need to get a bathing suit.

Yes, a bathing suit. I don't have one that fits because in the past I wasn't a huge fan of my chubbiness but after being naked and pregnant dripping amniotic fluid and blood in front of everyone I no longer care. I'm over it. Just being pregnant made me feel better about my body. I don't know if I'm going to be laying out in the sun by the pool with the whole housing community this summer, but I don't obsess over my general appearance the way that I used to. I feel good about the way that I look and if I could find the clothes I owned BEFORE I was pregnant I might actually enjoy dressing myself. That's something I haven't enjoyed in years! Oddly enough being comfortable with my weight and my body is actually more incentive for me to eat more healthfully and lose weight. In April I plan to start Mommy & Me Yoga classes and also return to the gym. I can't wait to go back to the gym!!! I'm also looking forward to cooking real meals again someday soon. Now that Aislinn feeding schedule allows for more time in between feedings I have actually been eating breakfast and lunch most of the week and I'm still able to fit in a nap and some light cleaning. In two more weeks I need to find some time in my day for work and school. It will be more difficult than I had originally thought to work from home and take care of Aislinn but I'm sure I'll work it out.

One Month

Aislinn had her one month physical on Monday. She now weighs 8 lbs. 3 oz. and measures 21 1/4 inches in length. She's getting so big so fast! She's holds her head up like a two month old and she is getting closer to rolling over. She's doing very well. Our next appointment is in four weeks. I'm not really looking forward to that one because that's when she'll be getting her first set of shots since she was born.

Aislinn has been a little more difficult during the day. Today she barely slept at all. Maybe 15 minutes here or there, but ONLY if I was holding her. Around 3:00 pm I had decided that since she was fed, burped, and her diaper was changed that she was simply crying because she was either bored or tired. I tried putting her in the swing and putting her on her playmat. Neither one entertained her. I sat with her and talked to her but that didn't help. I figured since she really hadn't taken a nap that she must be tired, so tired that she's just completely out of her mind. I tried to put her down for a nap but she cried. So, at 3:00 pm I put her crib in her room rather than the bassinet next to my bed. I turned on the monitor so that I could hear her, but I decided I'd let her cry it out for a while. I just simply couldn't do anything else for her and I needed a break from the screaming and crying. I put her in her room because seeing her little face when she cries just breaks my heart. She did alright, she cried a bit but was quiet for the majority of the hour. At 4:00 pm I went in to change her diaper and feed her. She started to cry again during her feeding, it wasn't my let-down reflex because I had pumped before feeding her and I'm trying to just use one side at a time. Burping her seemed to piss her off even more, no matter what position I put her in. She wasn't happy no matter what I did and this continued until 8:00 pm. Now she's fast asleep in her swing. She has been sleeping 5 to 6 hours at night, so I guess I should just be happy. Howie and I might get some time off this weekend. We're considering going to a surprise birthday party for our neighbor and leave Aislinn with Howie's parents. We're not 100% sure that we're going to go, but if we do I can guarantee that I will be relaxing with a few glasses of wine! Anyway, I am going to go to bed in just a few moments so that I will be prepared for tomorrow. If there is anything that I don't mind about the fussiness it's the cute little pouty face that Aislinn makes when she cries.