Lonely

My husband started his new job in NYC a week ago. Howie is staying with his parents in NJ and I’m still working and living in VA until we find a home. Howie came back to see me on Friday night and left early this morning. It was so good to see him, but it was so hard to say goodbye again so soon. He woke up early and boarded a train for CT so that he could meet with our realtor. He saw a house that he seems to really like, so maybe we’ll be living together again soon. We’ll see.

I’ve been pretty bummed out all day. I really miss having him around. He’s my best friend. I knew right away when I met him 9 years ago that he was the one for me. Now I love him a thousand times more than I did then and I can’t imagine life without him. It’s not that I need him around to take care of me, I can take care of myself. It’s just that he’s my best friend, he’s my soul mate, and when we’re apart I miss having that companionship. He’s a great husband and he’s going to be an amazing father. He’s very sweet, caring and respectful. He tries very hard to understand what I’m feeling and always listens to what I have to say. He cares about our relationship, he doesn’t just give up when we’re having a hard time. I love him for all of these reasons, and more. I can’t wait until we find a home so that I can be with him again.

As for P news, Wednesday will be the last day of my first trimester. I can’t believe it. It still doesn’t seem real to me. Not that the symptoms aren’t there, but I don’t think it has actually clicked with me yet. My most recent craving is for oranges. I don’t just crave them though, I have orange envy is other people are eating them. I want to steal their oranges. It’s insane, it doesn’t matter if I just ate an orange, I still want one. My next OB/GYN appointment is July 27^th. That will be the last appointment I have with my doctor in VA. I contacted the hospital in the town that we plan to move to and asked for a list of OB/GYNs that deliver there. They not only emailed me a list of OB/GYNs, they also emailed me a list of pediatricians. Pediatricians! I didn’t even think of that! I’m still taking it one day at a time, still afraid that I’ll find blood every time I go to the bathroom. I’m actually worried to enter my second trimester because if the nausea disappears how will I know that I’m pregnant? Obviously I’ll start to gain more weight, but I’ve become comfortable with the nausea being my main indicator of how this pregnancy is going. As long as I’m sick I feel like things are going well. I’m going to have to learn to trust my body again, which is difficult after having been let down by it so much. I have to trust that things are going just fine in there and not need a weekly update to feel reassured, because I’m not going to have that anymore.