Teething

Last week Aislinn cut her first tooth. A day later a second popped out, number three and number four popped out on Monday. Within a week she went from that adorable baby gummy smile to 4 teeth!!! Believe me, she's cute teeth or not but my heart broke because suddenly my tiny little baby is growing up and her cute gummy smile is gone. It's replaced with an equally cute jack-o-lantern type smile which I also love. I guess that's part of being a parent. You're excited to see them grow up but you sometimes feel sad that they have to grow up so quickly. I'm never ready for the changes. The first tooth to come in was her upper left lateral incisor, the the upper right lateral incisor (the two teeth next to the two front teeth). Then with no warning the bottom middle two teeth popped up. Unless her upper front two teeth pop up she'll have a perfect space on top for her bottom two teeth to fit between her upper lateral incisors. That's why I call it her Jack-o-Lantern style smile.

I guess I should get you caught up on other things. On September 30th Howie and I went to the awful final Mets game with Aislinn. The Mets played horribly but Aislinn was super cute all dressed up in her Mets cheerleader outfit complete with socks and a hat. She was way cute, too bad she wasn't representing a better team. Oh well! Going to a baseball game with a baby wasn't as bad as I thought it wold be. She slept for 2 hours in the loud stadium, as did the Mets and most of the fans. She also had a two bottles and some strawberry banana puffs. YUM!!

Mommy & Me is going well. We graduated to the larger class with older kids because there weren't any babies in the class that Aislinn should have been in. She stands and "cruises" so she does well in the older class. It's hard to bond with the mom's though because they have this intense bond over the fact that their kids are all 10 months old and somehow to their surprise the kids birthdays are so close to one another. Wow! No shit? Your babies are all 10 months old and you say that all of their birthdays are around the same time?! I would have NEVER guessed that! Whatever, I kind of want to meet other moms and they kind of chat with me when Aislinn crawls over to their kids to play or their kid comes to play with mine but they always somehow seem to all end up in this little circle near the cheese mat to talk about how it's so cool that their kids birthdays all fall within this two week span. Bleh. Good luck going to all of those 1st birthday parties when you have your own to throw, bitches! FINALLY this week we met the one other mother who has an 8 month old daughter. I was so excited, not because I need to meet another mom who gave birth within two weeks of when I gave birth but because I clearly need to have a click of my own in order to make friends. The mom seems a bit shy and kind of worried that everyone thinks her daughter is huge for 8 months old. I don't know if she is or not, everyone says Aislinn is tiny for her age but I think she looks normal. Who really cares? Even if you ended up having the biggest baby in the U.S., who cares? Her daughter is absolutely gorgeous and to me she doesn't look freakishly huge. She's bigger than Aislinn but she doesn't look like a giant. HOPEFULLY she'll keep coming and we can form our own little group. Aislinn is making friends faster than I am though. She's very cute and silly when she's there. She likes to socialize with the kids and the Moms seem to like her too, they just aren't into Moms who gave birth during the month of January. Perhaps if I gave birth at the end of November or beginning of December I'd be ok. Enough complaining about that.

Tomorrow is the 4th anniversary of when Howie and I got married. Hopefully I'll be able to get a haircut before our "date" tomorrow night. If we were in Hollywood we'd already be celebrating our RUBY anniversary, but we're not so this is actually flowers if you are traditional and linen or silk if your more modern. I guess you could combine them by getting a floral printed linen or silk item. Howie isn't much of a flower/linen/silk sorta guy so I don't think I'm going to worry about the gift. We're going out to dinner which is almost as exciting as going away on vacation for us. If we're lucky Aislinn will be asleep when we get home so that we can get it on when his parents leave. SWEET!!!

My Appointment with the Bobble Head

I had an appointment with my nutritionist today. By the way, I need a more interesting nickname for her, "L" doesn't do it. Can we call her Bobble Head because her head is disproportionately larger than her body. Ok, so during my appointment with Bobble Head I discovered that I have lost over 15" over my entire body. Not 15" from my waist but if you add up all the inches I lost from my neck, arm, upper & middle chest, ribs, waist, hips, abdomen, thigh & knee. I lost 3 1/2 -THREE AND A HALF- inches from my abdomen!!!!!!! Wooohoooo! Ok, but in pounds it's only 8 3/4 lbs. Not bad though. I was cranky when I left the house but after blasting Timbaland's "Scream" in the car and then finding out that I am in fact smaller I am now in a much better mood. Perhaps I will start to get up early in the morning to go for a run before my husband goes to work. LOL! We'll see about that. Anyway, after my appointments with Bobble Head I tend to feel like I should reward myself with a tiny cheat so I head over to Starbucks. Look, I know that rewarding yourself with food should be a no-no. I know that I should be rewarding myself with non-food things like a facial, mani/pedi, or a bubble bath but I don't have the cash to spend on a facial or mani/pedi and the bubble bath? When? By the time my little peanut is asleep I'm not interested in "relaxing" in a bubble bath. AND how can it be relaxing in the smaller-than-average-tub? It's customized small! No, seriously! I'm short but not that short. Whatever, anyway. So if I feel that having a tall skim decaf pumpkin spice latte after getting weighed I think it's ok. Someday when I'm rich I will HAPPILY spend the day at the spa when I reach my goal weight. How's that sound? Anyway, I'm at Starbucks to pick up my tall skim decaf pumpkin spice latte and as I'm walking in the door I'm holding the door for the woman behind me. Not stopping to hold it open, just passing off the open door. This BITCH! Personal trainer from New York Sports Club chatting on her freaking cell pushes past me and barely gets out an "oh thanks" and walks up to the counter. AS IF I WAS THE DOOR LADY AND AS IF I WASN'T THERE FIRST!!!! Apparently she frequents this Starbucks location more than I do and is treated like a queen. She walks up to the counter and everyone is all bowing to her and all "Oh! Hi Holy One!" and while chit chatting on her phone and barely looking at anyone there she extends her arm and flicks her starbucks card in the cashier's face. The barista quickly makes her coffee and the cashier swipes her card and she sort of glances at the guy and gives him a nod like "Good Dog! If I had a treat I'd throw it to you!" and then wonders off to the pick-up area. I kind of wanted to shove her and start a playground type fight in the middle of the place but I instead ordered a VENTI pumpkin spice latte with WHIP! How's that for fixing your inner frustration with food? It's ok, I don't always do that, just this time because I was hoping to catch up with her in the parking lot and "trip" so that my HOT latte would go flying all over her. By the time my latte was made I realized that she's the kind of bitch that has her lawyer in her top five and would have sued me for all the money I don't have. The judge would end up making me be her maid.

My parents brought my niece's old walker for Aislinn to play with today. She LOVES it but seems to only know how to walk backwards in it. It kind of pisses her off when she knows she wants to walk to me but ends up going in the other direction. What can you do? She just woke up from her 3 hour nap and is very chatty. I should probably go get her and stop writing.

Look I'm Posting! Alert the Media!

What? It's been TWO months you say? The last time I posted a lot was going on in our lives and I just needed some time away. Things are getting better, not good or great, but better. While I LOVE New England, LOVE CT, I don't know that leaving VA has been worth it yet. That being said I still have faith that things will all work out and I will eventually see that this was what was best for us. Howie has a job but it pays a lot less than his last job but pays more than unemployment. Right before Howie was offered his new job I freaked out and decided to look into doing direct sales to make money NOW! I'm making WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY less than I used to make but if I got an office job outside the home and had to pay for daycare I would barely be bringing any money home at all. I'm over qualified based on my work experience but under qualified based on my education. Whatever! I'm starting to panic a bit. Ugh! I mean, we're barely staying afloat right now even after my mom lent us a bunch of cash. Stupid freaking commons charges and stupid crappy condo! This whole condo complex we live in is sucking us dry and it's not even worth $5 a month. Anyway, I owe my former employer for health insurance because I barely worked during my last month of employment so the insurance isn't free. Then I have to pay COBRA for a month. We have yet to receive that bill but I really can't wait. Because we really have thousands of dollars laying around to pay for that.

I had been going to a nutritionist, acupuncture and yoga to help with my PCOS. The nutritionist takes credit card and my mom thought it was important for me to go so she paid for that. My nutritionist, "L", also offered to be my mentor while I'm in school... maybe someday I can work for her. Who knows! My acupuncturist, "S", is awesome! I love her! She doesn't take any shit from my uterus. I had my period for like 2 1/2 weeks at one point and then she laid down the law with my dysfunctional baby-maker. She stuck a couple of needles in my toes and the next day it stopped. My period returned a week or so later and went on for about 8 days and she broke out some smokeless herb and did something around my feet and the next day it stopped. I had a cold and she tapped in a couple of needles on either side of my nose to relieve my stuffing nose and then I flipped over so that she could do some cupping on my back which cleared up my lungs. Later that day I was feeling better! I love her and I can't imagine living without her now but she takes checks and my mom can't legally give me anymore money so it looks like I have to give up acupuncture. Yoga, well, I paid for four classes. I've only been to one so far but after the next three I won't be able to buy anymore because she only takes checks too. Yoga lady rocks the shit too. She said that I'm in touch with my body and could take a level 1 class if I wanted. Maybe I LOOK like I can handle a level 1 class but believe me, I felt like I was near death during most of the beginners class. So, I've got a nutritionist and that's it. That's not bad at all but between my nutritionist and acupuncturist I'd rather have my acupuncturist.

Alright people, I'll give you what you really came here for! Aislinn is now 7 months old. She and I now go to a Mommy & Me class which she LOVES but the woman who runs the class, "E", keeps pronouncing Aislinn's name "AYZ-LYNN" even after I politely correct her, "ASH-LYNN". Uggghhhhhh! In about 13 years Aislinn will be telling me how much she hates me because I gave her this crazy Irish name. Bleh. I still love it and I hope that she will someday. Anyway, there's a guy that works at the Mommy & Me place and he looks like Freddy Prinze Jr. when he was the Manny on Friends. I want to laugh every time I see him and tell him that I loved the recorder solo he did on the show. Anyway, Aislinn stands up, she says "da da" "ma ma" and "ma ma ba ba" when she wants to eat. She is a great crawler but really prefers to be in a standing position as much as she can be. She absolutely LOVES being outside so my mom is going to buy her a snow suit so that we can still go out in the winter. Bath time is tons of fun. We enjoy splashing and eating rubber duckies. She's adorable!

Now that we have more of a routine I should be able to keep you updated on Aislinn and other "events" in my life.

Desperate

I need a job. My husband needs a job. I don't want to turn my daughter into a child actor just so that we have enough money to pay the mortgage. Don't worry people, that isn't going to happen. I just want her job to be being a kid. Howie had an interview last week and we're hoping he'll get it because if he does we'll have FREEEEEEEEEEEEE medical again. I had an interview yesterday for the most boring job imaginable. I would be an HR assistant at the hospital. What does that mean? That means I'd be answering phones and dealing with people who come into the office. What is that REALLY called? A R.E.C.E.P.T.I.O.N.I.S.T. people! Yes, there's nothing wrong with being a receptionist but I already did that job - FIVE years ago. While it was a wonderful job because I got to know everyone from the delivery guys to the company president I really don't want to do it again. I feel that I have done all I can do with that position and I really would rather do something else. The lady that interviewed me seemed to think I should be looking for jobs above the administrative assistant level because of my work experience and I couldn't agree with her more. The only problem is that I'm STILL working on my degree. Let me share my story about college and me. Right after high school I had to attend a community college because my "gifted" brother spent all of my parents' money on his college education and also because my asshole guidance counselor told my mother that I was stupid and wouldn't be able to make it at a real college which she accepted because... well... that meant that she wouldn't have to pay for a real college. FUCK YOU MR. FULLER! Yeah, am I allowed to use his real name? Fuck him! He has retired since then so he won't be getting in the way of anyone else's college education. I wanted to major in interior decorating but I couldn't because my ghetto ass college didn't have that major available. So I was told that I should major in fine arts because that's so totally the same exact thing as interior decorating. I hated that more than life itself and thought that maybe they'd have something like advertising available as a major because that was an interest of mine as well. They didn't have that either so my brother (the gifted one with the expensive college education) suggested I do marketing. So I switched to marketing which wasn't bad but I just felt brain dead in the classes at this college. Now, before everyone starts to think I'm a bitch and that I think community college is for stupid people, that's not true. I know that it's inexpensive option for people who can't afford 4 years at an expensive university. No problem. I know that there are MANY smart people who attend community colleges. That being said, I think that the people in my classes were fucking stupid, or maybe it was just that I attended a REALLY good high school that prepared the students for college really well. I don't know, all I know is that my brain was numb because while we were duscussing the Opium Wars the students somehow were able to get the teacher off track by getting her into a whole discussion about Pot and Chow Yun-Fat. Seriously. It happened ALL THE TIME. I had to start taking notes for the stupid non-educational discussions so that I'd keep my mind from wondering, otherwise I'd miss when we started discussing the REAL topic. It saddened me when I realized there were more notes on Pot than there were on the Opium Wars. I eventually dropped out because working in retail pushing body lotion and shower gel was more stimulating for my brain than attending classes. I moved to VA when my brother went overseas for a year. I lived in his apartment for free and became a co-manager at B&BW. I decided to stay in the area because Howie and I were dating and wanted to move in together. I wasn't going to school, just working a billion hours at the store. Then 9/11 happened and I decided forcing people to buy at least $30 in shower gel and lotion wasn't important in life. That's when I got the receptionist job at the company I work(ed) for now. I also decided to go back to school - online. I chose to major in information systems for some reason. I had a 4.0 but it was boring. After Howie and I got married I decided that I wanted enroll in another school to get a B.S. in holistic nutrition and an N.H.D. I'm still working on that now. So, I really don't have any kind of degree in anything because I can't make up my mind and I'm also a tad pissed I never went to a real college. Anyway, I don't regret any of it because if things didn't go that way then I wouldn't be married to Howie and we wouldn't have Aislinn. While this path has lead me to a VERY happy personal life it has not provided me much for my professional life. I can totally do anything I want. My brother and sister both have masters degrees but when my sister ended up unemployed and not able to get a job in the field she had been working in and specifically educated for she freaked out. She was scared about having to do something that she didn't have a degree for. She asked me how she was going to do a job she didn't know how to do. Every job I've ever done I have had no idea how to do going into it. Sure, the receptionist job wasn't difficult because you can probably train a monkey to answer phones. I will say that some phone systems are really fucking complicated and sometimes require a PHD to use. Monkeys can't learn how to opperate one of those... but I did. Being an office assistant mostly requires that you move fast, stay organized, and bullshit a lot of the cranky office staff. Not that bad though. Being a program coordinator, that's a whole new ball game. I didn't know how to get concurrences, I didn't know about the area we worked in, I didn't know how to hire a consultant, I didn't know squat. In the end I was doing it all and I even got to travel to Zimbabwe and pretend I knew what the hell I was doing with a certain health organization. You don't need a fucking degree to do half of this shit, but in order to get people to give you a chance you do. Either that or you have to show them you can do it, which is how I got to be a program coordinator. So now that I've made a short story long, I don't know if I'll get this stupid HR job at the hospital or not. I could use it because money would be good, but I REALLY don't want to be away from Aislinn all day. I've been with her every day since she was born and every time I think about putting her into daycare my heart breaks. I don't think that anyone who chooses to or has to put their kid into daycare is a bad person at all. You have to do what you have to do and I don't think that's wrong at all. If you have to do it so that you have extra income that's fine, I probably will have to. If you are someone who needs to get out of the house and work, interact with adults everyday, that's fine too. It's really not the quantity of time you spend with your child, it's the quality. You have to do what you have to do to make you happy so that you will be a good parent when you are with your child. If working outside the home is what makes you happy then I think you should do that. I thought that I'd go crazy being home with her all the time, I thought I would be the kind of person who wanted to get out of the house and be at the office. I didn't think that I'd have such a hard time with the though of putting her in daycare, but it's killing me. I LOVE that I've been here to see every new thing that she does. I hate that in the future I may not be the first person to see her crawl or walk. I also hate that someone else is going to be the one that knows what to do to make her happy during the day. Right now I'm the one that knows what she wants and how she wants it. I think that getting up in the morning and going to work as the HR assistant at the hospital would be hard enough because it bores me to death, but leaving her with someone else so that I can go to work as the HR assistant is going to be much harder. If I have to leave her I feel like it has to be something that I might actually enjoy. However, I don't think anyone is going to hire me to do a job that I would enjoy.

What to do? I really just want to find some way to work from home, and if not that then I want create a business of my own. I don't know what the hell that would be right now. I need something and I'd prefer to be my own boss and to give myself a job. Who wouldn't? If any of my friends that are reading the blog have any thoughts or ideas, don't leave them in the comments, email me.

I know I've been missing again. I've been working, we've been visiting family, Aislinn is growing. I have had no time for myself at all lately. I attempted to give myself a pedicure but that didn't work out. I think I need a bubble bath and a pedi. Maybe some other at-home-spa treatments. Maybe this weekend? Maybe not? Who knows.

Updates on Aislinn:
1. She puked in my mouth today. It tasted sweet and it was also REALLY gross. Nothing like having your own breast milk regurgitated back into your mouth.

2. She is nearly crawling. She's pushing herself up in front and in back, then she rocks herself front to back and collapses. Very cute!

3. Her new favorite thing is drinking straight out of mommy's water bottle or out of a cup. This is of course with help from mommy or daddy. She doesn't just pick up a cup and drink from it. Let's not be silly!

4. She has two words. Ma ma and Ba ba! Seriously! She knows I'm her Ma ma! She reached for me and said "Maaaa". When she was super hungry one morning she grabbed my shirt (trying to breastfeed) and said "MA MA BA BA". I think that loosely translates to "Mommy, give me some boob milk! NOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!" I'm just guessing though.

5. Her favorite hang out spot is now her exersaucer. It's colorful, it's fun and it plays some awesome carny music. What else could you ask for. Honestly?

6. Her favorite non-toy toys are TiVo, the modem and the wireless router. We'll have to rearrange some things in the TV stand.

7. Her very bestest friend in the whole wide world is our cat, Kirby. When she sees him she drops everything. Eating, playing, diaper changes, nothing matters when Kirby walks into the room. She MUST touch his soft, shiny, smooth, black fur.

8. She has a real giggle now. It's the cutest baby giggle in the world.

I guess that's all I have for you. Thanks for reading all of that boring crap about me at the beginning. I love all y'all!

Father's Day and The First Cold

Howie's FIRST Father's Day went well. I woke up at 6:45 am to go to the grocery store to buy him balloons and cake. I also looked for hash browns for his breakfast but they didn't have any in the store for some reason. I decided that I'd head over to McDonalds and get ghetto hash browns. Ghetto or not, they're good! After my early morning shopping spree I came home, put things away, and crawled back into bed. When Aislinn woke up I got her dressed in the cute little Ralph Lauren dress someone gave us that we haven't had an excuse for her to wear until now. Howie was awake so he came downstairs to open his gifts.


Aislinn with Howie's stack of Father's Day gifts.


Howie with his new XBox HD DVD player.


A new camera bag that will hold all of the extra lenses he apparently needs for the camera.


Mets tickets for the last game of the season, which is also Howie's birthday. It'll be Aislinn's first baseball game. Woohoo!


A book that I made for Howie on Shutterfly.com.

I then made him scrambled cheese eggs, bacon, and heated up the hash browns. YUM! The rest of the day was pretty laid back. We took a walk in Westport, had some bitchin' pizza, then we came home. Aislinn slept, ate, played. For dinner we ordered Chinese food and for dessert we had chocolate cake.





So what else has been going on while I should have been blogging about Father's Day? We cleaned the house, searched for jobs, I worked, and Aislinn came down with her first cold. I feel so bad because her cute little nose is stuffy and running and she's all congested. I wish I could just make her better. I hate seeing her sick like that. We took her to the doctor in the beginning when the cold wasn't that bad. She told us that if it were worse she'd have us give her something, but it usually just makes babies more fussy or something. So instead she told us to steam up the bathroom and bring her in for a few minutes. I turned the hot water on full blast and closed the door before her bath. I was going to go in there and change the temperature to fill up her actual bath once the room was all steamed up and then I was going to use the baby vapor bath soap to wash her. While I was getting her ready for her bath I asked Howie to go in and fill up her tub. He went in the bathroom and there was so much steam that his glasses fogged up and he said it was so hot he could barely breathe. He left the door open to let out some steam before I went in. He couldn't fill up the bath because he couldn't see so I went in to do it. It was pretty warm in there and it was very wet. My hair started to curl up and I started to sweat. I filled up her tub and left the door open for a few more minutes. I think the steam and the vapor bath helped. We used the snot sucker to get the snot out of her nose but she only allowed that about 10% of the time. A bunch of people told us to put a pillow under her mattress but when we did it looked like bad news to me. I pictured her turning the wrong way in her sleep and rolling down the "hill" in her crib. We decided that it was probably best for her to sleep in her swing since she likes that and she can sit up while sleeping without rolling away. Howie brought the humidifier downstairs and placed it near her swing. That seemed to work well. This cold started on Monday and it seems to be much better now. It isn't over but it's better.

She has been all about me lately. Daddy makes her feel better too. Howie's parents were over on Thursday and she just wanted me to hold her the whole time. It made me feel bad and I figured they were just thinking that she was favoring me because I breast feed her and they think that is keeping her from bonding with Howie or anyone else. Whatever. I was surprised when they said it was probably because she was sick and just wanted her Mommy. I really expected them to attack the breastfeeding like they usually do. It is sweet that she wants to be with me and that I make everything all better for her, but I do feel bad when she cries when other people are holding her. Oh well, someday she'll be 16 and she won't want me around at all so I am going to just love this time I have with her right now.

As far as unemployment goes things are the same. I'm working just enough to keep our health insurance. My former boss told me that if Howie and I move back to VA that I'd have a full-time job. I was tempted to go back because I miss living there and I really miss my friends, Bren, Les & my brother's gf, "J". Of course I miss my boss "D" and the rest of my co-workers. For the past month I think it has seemed like we were on vacation and the whole unemployment thing wasn't real. Howie is growing a beard and I only shave once a week. Howie's becoming an online poker champion and getting really good at cleaning the house. I have been doing busy work for my company just to keep our insurance and have started expanding my TV viewing with shows like Engineering the Impossible, Design Rivals, Flip This House, Flip That House, Hey Paula, and Kathy Griffin: My Life on the d-list. I figured I need to keep things balanced between learning and garbage TV. It's going well. If the housing market was better I could easily flip a house, and I'm amazed that it took 3 times as long to build Chartres Church than it did to build the Great Pyramid of Giza. WTF? Are you serious? I also enjoy watching Paula Abdul act like a stupid spoiled crack head when crying about how her two assistants didn't pack her a pair of sweat pants for her to wear on her flight. Anyway, I think the vacation will soon come to an end and the panic will truly set in. I still have faith that everything will be ok and work out. It has to.

Before I go I just want to send all y'all over to Les over at In Search of a Baby Ug to send all of your good vibes and wishes to her and her little embryos. Good luck Les! I love you!!

I Should Be Fired

Not from the job that I was already fired from but from blogging on my blog. I SUCK at keeping up with my blogging at the moment and I keep saying that I'll get better yet here I am posting a month after my last entry. Reasons I have been too busy to blog:

1. Completing all the work I had left before what should have been my last day of work.
2. Keeping up with all the new work from many random people who were bullied into giving me busy work by my former boss who was worried about me, Howie and her "AGD" (Almost Granddaughter) after learning that Howie was fired from his job on the first day of my unemployment.
3. Aislinn is getting to be a big girl and wants to explore new places beyond her tiny playmat on the floor. That means that it's not as easy to get things done because when she does her little inch worm move off of the mat onto the rug she cries because the rug hurts when you slide your head across it. More details about this subject below. The main point is that all of this exploring that she does keeps me busy because she is no longer just hanging out in one spot enjoying her toys.

So there you go. That's why I have been missing. I hope to catch up with all of your blogs soon and keep up on mine. Now that Howie is home it should be getting a little bit easier. How great is that, both Howie and I being unemployed? Both of us let go due to the fact that there is absolutely NO MONEY coming in to pay either of us! Great! Right? I'm semi-unemployed. Luckily I have the most awesome former boss on the planet. I'm like the child she never had. For the past 5 years of my life she has really been there for me, professionally and personally. She is a wonderful person and I love her and miss her so much. She didn't want to let me go, but they just didn't have the money in their budget to keep me. They can barely afford to keep her but since she is the HR Manager they really couldn't live without her. She was trying to find some work in the office for me to do but considering she has a whole lot of work and not much help she hasn't had time to hunt things down. As soon as I told her Howie lost his job she ran around the office finding work for me from projects that have some extra money in their budget. It's not full-time work, but it's enough to make a little bit of money and keep my insurance for another month. She hopes to find some more work for me in July, but can't promise it. I'm searching for jobs and I guess I'll file for unemployment in July. Our parents have offered to help if we need it. We'll be ok. I wasn't this relaxed when he told me. In fact, I wanted to puke when he called to tell me he lost his job. After totally freaking out I decided that everything would work out just fine. I could be in denial. Whatever, I'm sticking with that.

Enough about the unemployment. Bleh! Aislinn has started solid foods. YAY!! She LOVES cereal, squash, and so far seems to enjoy carrots. In a couple of weeks she will start fruit. She is good at eating, doesn't really play with her food but if we don't put that spoon in her mouth fast enough she will grab our hand and guide it in. She likes to hold her spoon herself sometimes. When she has a bottle she likes to hold it herself. She was able to roll from belly to back and back to belly since April 25th but didn't really do a whole lot of rolling onto her belly simply because she preferred laying on her back. She got over that and rolls onto her belly all the time now. She also loves to grab her feet and at times tries to get them both in her mouth at the same time. She has also recently decided that she enjoys eating her hand. She has always liked "chatting" quite a bit but has started trying out a few new sounds. I love her cute little squealy voice. She's perfect! She's trying to crawl right now but it's more like an inch worm kind of move, sometimes it's kind of like a yoga downward facing dog pose. The back end wants to go places but the front end isn't sure how to travel yet. She wants to pull herself along with her arms but that doesn't work. So her legs will get going and her little butt goes up in the air and her front end starts to get pushed along. By front end I don't really mean arms, I mean her head kind of runs along the floor and she cries because her face is getting roughed up. After a while she completely collapses on her belly with her face right into the floor and screams at the top of her lungs. We've laid down blankets around her playmat so that if she ventures off she won't have to get rug burn but it really doesn't make it much better. I think she's frustrated because she knows what she wants to do but hasn't really figured it all out yet. She'll get there sooner or later.

The only other new thing to share is that I have started going to acupuncture treatments. I know that sounds nuts since we are unemployed but the acupuncturist is giving me a deal and our parents are helping us out with some things. I'm going to get help for my PCOS and weight loss. I'm not getting help with my PCOS in order to get pregnant right now, just to regulate my hormones and get my cycle back on track because I currently don't have a cycle. What else is new, right? I felt great after the appointment. The needles didn't really hurt at all, especially after the number of needles I stuck myself with during fertility treatments. There was just one spot that hurt like holy hell and that was my right ankle. There was one in my right foot that hurt a tad, but the right ankle almost felt like it was sprained. She tried to be gentle with that spot but I didn't want her to take it out. It's a big spot for hormonal disorders. Clearly, as if I didn't already know, my hormones are all out of whack. It didn't hurt for too long, the pain eased up after a while. She did go deeper with the needles after 15 minutes or so. When she went deeper with the needle on my right ankle it was too much so she backed it out a bit. If any of you out there are afraid to try acupuncture because you don't want it to hurt don't let that keep you away. It really isn't meant to hurt and other than that one needle it didn't. After some time it shouldn't hurt as much and if it does hurt too much you just have to tell your acupuncturist and they can change the placement of the needles or not go as deep. You really should give it a try. It's well worth it. The needles are very thin, like a human hair. I love it. It's nice to have some time to myself, something that makes me a healthier person. I'll keep you updated on the acupuncture treatments.

So... Father's Day weekend! YAY!! Father's Day is also my birthday. My mom always said that if she knew I was going to be born on Father's Day she wouldn't have bought my father a gift. It's will also be the one year anniversary of when we told our families that I was pregnant with Aislinn. I'm choosing to make Father's Day all about Howie and we're going to celebrate my birthday on Saturday. I want his first Father's Day to be all about him. I'm so excited because I bought him so cool gifts, even though we're poor. Howie always gets screwed when it comes to gifts. His birthday is at the end of September. September is a big month because we have two other birthday and my parents anniversary. Once his birthday rolls around at the end of the month we've had to get other people gifts and pay bills so we're tapped out. We've never made a lot of money because of the kind of work that we do so we've always been pretty strapped at the end of each month. So, here we are in June. Both of us unemployed and it's Howie's first Father's Day. I can't just let that go by. He made sure that I had a great mother's day and he always makes sure that I have a great birthday. He never complains and is always saying that he's just happy to be spending his birthday with me even if we can't afford to do anything nice and I know he'd do the same on Father's Day. Not this time though. I know it's not about flashy gifts or anything, and we all know that Aislinn is a big enough gift for us both. I just want to do something nice for him, so I am. I bought him thoughtful gifts too, not just crap to say I got him something and spent money. I got him things that will make him happy and I can't wait for it to be Sunday.

Well, right now it's 2:00 am and I really should get my butt in bed because I have to get up early with Aislinn and get some work done that I should have had done a couple of days ago. I will leave you with a new picture of Aislinn eating squash and looking completely cute.

Happy Mother's Day

My first Mother's Day was great! Howie got up before I did to feed Aislinn. When I got up he had flowers and balloons waiting for me in the living room. He had my coffee ready for me and then he made me pancakes. After Aislinn took a nap we all went to New Canaan to walk around and shopped a bit. When we got home Howie grilled some steaks and for dessert he had a huge chocolate chip cookie with "Happy Mother's Day" written on it. It was exactly what I wanted.

I also packed up Aislinn's 0-3 month clothes. I was a bit weepy because she's not that tiny little newborn baby that I brought home anymore. My little baby is growing up quickly. I do love seeing her do new things and grow, I just wish I could also rewind just to hold on to my itty bitty baby. Putting the next size clothes in her drawers and closet was a little bit exciting too. There are so many cute things for her to wear I just can't wait to see her in everything! Now I'm talking about her like she's a doll. Oh well.

I am still slacking a bit with my posting. I can't seem to get things together here. I had a routine that recently changed and I need to get back on track. We just finished doing a lot of cleaning last night and finished putting pictures in frames so that we can FINALLY put pictures up on the walls. I've only been trying to do that for 3 1/2 years! Now I should have more time to post since I'm not trying to clean up.

Well, my mother and brother-in-law should be here soon so I should probably wrap this up. My MIL is bringing baked ziti! YUM! Here are some pictures from Mother's Day and one extra of Aislinn with Eeyore.







For some reason Picsa's red eye reduction won't work so it looks like Aislinn has devil eyes. I was also looking at the way I'm sitting and wondering why that didn't hurt my knee.

No, I Haven't Been Kidnapped By Aliens

I have just been super busy. A lot has been going on. I had my bloggerversary and didn't blog, Aislinn has had her Jewish baby naming (Jewish name is Ayelet Malka), reorganized the house like 100 times to fit in all of her new things, and I was let go from my job. Yup, lost my job because they've lost their funding and can barely pay the HR manager. I know that my boss didn't want to let me go. Now I need to find a new job. I would LOVE to continue working from home but I don't know if that's going to be possible. My last day is the 31st so I have been trying to get things wrapped up while spending every single moment I can with Aislinn because I may not be home with her much longer. It breaks my heart to think about that so I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Updates on Aislinn:

She's drinking about 6 oz. per feeding now and is just a few weeks away from starting rice cereal!

She has rolled from her back to her belly.

She held her bottle on her own once. She actually took the bottle in her hands and took it away from me.

Still breastfeeding but I'm trying to catch up the 6 oz. she wants per feeding.

She laughs and smiles all of the time.

She loves to "talk" to me when I change her diaper or even during breastfeeding. She also talks a lot to herself while she's in her swing or playing on her mat.

Her best friend is her lamby (blanket with lamb head attached to it).

She loves to push herself around from place to place with her feet while still laying on her back.

She loves to lick everything. Sometimes suck on things, but mostly licking. It's very cute.

My sister has gotten me into scrapbooking. All I did was buy some supplies and I think I already need a 12 step program. DON'T get into scrapbooking if you have recently been let go from your job because it's a horrible addiction that sucks all of your money from your bank account. Just say no! I have stuff to scrapbook for events that have yet to happen. Not only am I taking on a scrapbook for myself, but two grandparent scrapbooks. It's too late to save me, just save yourself. Don't start!

Howie and I are going to take a short trip to VA to see our old co-workers and friends. With the exception of my brother's girlfriend and my BFF, Brenda, I haven't seen anyone in VA since August of last year. They barely saw me pregnant and have never seen Aislinn. I can't wait to see my snarky fertility buddy, Les. She said she was going to start writing in her blog again so everyone should keep an eye out. She's about to go through an IVF cycle soon so everyone try to be there to support her. I really do miss DC/VA. I think about it all the time, but I am still happy that we moved to CT. I just wish that CT and DC were closer together so that I could easily see all my friends.

But we are making new friends now that the weather is warmer. All of the condos in my complex are in a circle and there is a grassy courtyard area between all of the condos. We have a big tree with two swings on it by our unit so all the kids and their mothers hang out by us. Yesterday, while Aislinn was taking a nap, Howie put together our new patio furniture and I did some gardening on the side of the condo. Howie and I ripped up some ugly bushes and I planted some flowers my father gave to me. My dad grows flowers for a living. Anyway, everyone was outside and came over to talk to us. When I finished planting the flowers we heard Aislinn crying inside so I went in because Howie still had some stuff to do out there. I went upstairs to change out of my dirty clothes before picking up Aislinn. I put on some striped pj pants and a t-shirt that wouldn't be too offensive to go outside in. I picked Aislinn up and thought that we would just sit outside and watch Howie finish putting the furniture together but when I went out there was a circle of children outside holding the baby boy that is 3 weeks younger than Aislinn. As soon as the kids saw me they were like "ANOTHER BABY!!!" I sat down in the grass with the kids and all the little girls wanted to hold her. I let a couple of them hold her but they are kids and it was awkward. Aislinn kind of got freaked out when all the kids were pawing at her and kissing her so I took her back and told them that they could talk to her while she got used to them. The kids are cute and it was fun to see all the neighbors out in the courtyard or on their porches. Everyone is going to get together and have a party in the courtyard next month. It's nice living here.

Aislinn was conceived one year ago today. I can't believe it has been a year! This weekend will also be my first Mother's Day. I can't really wrap my head around it. It'll be Mother's Day and I'm actually the Mom this year. I don't know what we're going to do. I would be happy just walking around Westport or New Canaan. I just like to spend time with Howie and Aislinn. I promise to post again by Monday to let you know how the weekend went. I won't disappear for a month again.

OUCH!!

Poor baby! Yes, Aislinn had her first shots today and she definitely hated it. I've heard about babies not really realizing what's going on with the first shot and starting to cry on the second shot, not my baby. They inserted the needle and she let out a loud cry and it apparently stunned her so much that she didn't even want to breathe back in. Her mouth hung completely open void of sound, tears welling up in her eyes and her face was beet red. The nurse tapped her a bit to get her to just breathe in again and just let her crying out. She did and then didn't stop crying for 15 minutes. She looked kind of sad and groggy when we got home.



I changed her diaper and then breastfed her for about 45 minutes before putting her down for a nap. She woke up on her own 4 hours later and I fed her again. She slept again after that, right through her usual fussy time. I slept right through it too. She woke up a little bit after Howie came home. She was feeling a little warm so we took her temperature. Howie had watched them take her temperature at the hospital so he graciously agreed to take her temperature with the rectal thermometer. I had read online that she may poop AFTER we FINISH taking her temperature. That was a lie. While Howie had the thermometer in she started grunting and pushing. There it was - poop! She was pushing so hard that she pushed the thermometer right out. We had to do it a second time and she did have a temperature of 100.1. As I was cleaning her up and about to put on a new diaper some very liquid poo came shooting out of her butt. SHOOTING! That was the end of the poop. We cleaned her up and I gave her some liquid Tylenol. Now she's hanging out in her swing smiling at her Daddy. Things seem to be going well so far. Thank God! We have to give her a bath later because she's getting her picture taking in the morning. No, I wasn't stupid enough to schedule photos for the day after her shots, her shots had been scheduled for April 4th but the doctor's office called yesterday to reschedule the appointment for today. The doctor wasn't going to be in on the 4th.

I had my doctor appointment on Wednesday. They have just moved into their new office and everything is out of whack. I'll cut them some slack because I remember how crazy things were after we moved our office from one building to another and everything was all crazy for a few weeks. I was on time, which is almost shocking these days. The office was full of people who all seemed to be a little on edge because the office was running behind so everyone was waiting for a while. I waited an hour and watched people who had come in before and after me come and go. Finally one of the nurses called me back and explained that someone was supposed to call me that morning to tell me that Dr. Hot-Stuff had an emergency and wouldn't be able to see me so Dr. Talks-to-Much would see me instead at their office in the hospital which is back in the town where I live! The nurse was so sorry. So, instead of having me reschedule my appointment they were faxing my file over to Dr. Talks-to-Much at the hospital. She would look at the ultrasound and then call the new office where I was waiting and talk to me over the phone. Yeah! Seriously! I have to say, I don't care that I was talking to someone over the phone. I wish that Dr. Hot-Stuff would have just called me with the results two weeks ago. Anyway, I waited another 15 minutes before the nurse came back out to tell me that Dr. Talks-to-Much wanted Dr. Hot-Stuff to talk to me herself. So, they were going to have Dr. Hot-Stuff call me at home as soon as she got out of labor and delivery. Later that afternoon she called and told me that there was about half a centimeter of membrane left and there would be concern IF I was still bleeding because that would mean that my uterus wasn't contracting properly or something. I have stopped bleeding so everything is fine. I can't believe I waited two weeks to hear that. I mean, I had convinced myself that I had cancer and even wrote up a will. That's partly my fault for being totally nuts, but it would have been nice to not have to schedule an appointment to get that info. I know that they have been busy with moving and wrapping things up at one place and moving to the next place. I wish they had been more organized. They are a good group of doctors though, they're WAY better than the doctor I had in VA.

So that's my week. The weekend will be very busy with pictures being taken tomorrow and an early Passover dinner with Howie's parents on Sunday. The highlight of my weekend? You won't believe it. Here it is!



Yeah, a bottle of water. What you should know about me is that I am a bottled water snob. I love bottled water, sometimes for the actual taste of the water, sometimes for the bottles. In this case all I can say is that I am attracted to this bottled water for the bottle. I have been watching Courtney Cox drink it on Dirt and every wannabe designer on Top Design drink it. I went on a mad search over the internet for this exact water and ended up finding a picture of Lindsay Lohan drinking it. I magnified the picture as if I were on CSI except she was holding the bottle sideways and I was unable to read the gigantic letters spelling out V-O-S-S! Howie and I both searched google and both came up with VOSS water. Howie then hunted it down in NYC at some coffee shop across from his office and brought it home to me. I have been saving it for the perfect moment all week. This weekend I will drink it all up and maybe I will love the taste as much as I love the bottle. I don't know but I hope that I do!

Two Months!!

Happy two month birthday to my preshus baybee!



How are we spending this exciting day? Well, I have returned to work and she is peacefully sleeping in her swing. All is good... so far.

Her two month doctor visit is next week. I'm dreading it. My little peanut has to get her shots. My heart is already breaking. I know, I know! She will be just fine. I'm just crazy.

My doctor appointment is on Wednesday. The doctor apparently called me to make sure that I had scheduled my follow up appointment. Whatever. I have no more to say until I go to the appointment. I'll probably feel like a total fool for being so worried because she'll probably tell me it's nothing.

Back to Aislinn. I don't want to jinx it but a couple of times in the past week her fussy time was shorter than usual and I think it was actually non-existent yesterday. I'm sure that fussy time hasn't completely disappeared and I guarantee that it will reappear today since it's my first day back at work, I'm just very grateful that it's on it's way out. She still hates tummy time but has started to enjoy bath time. We even get to see smiles during her bath. I love it!

She LOVES Daddy very much. We put her in her baby papasan while we were eating on Friday and she didn't take her eyes off of her Daddy throughout the entire meal. It was too sweet. She did the same thing while we gave her a bath this weekend. It's just too cute.

She now holds her head up 90% when on her belly and most of the time can hold her head still. She rolls over from belly to back. She likes to sleep sideways in her crib, even though we put her in the right way. She makes all kinds of cute little noises, smiles, and laughs. Her best friends are the two butterflies and one bird that rotate above her on her swing. She's getting to know Eli the Elephant but they're taking things slow.

She hasn't really noticed the cat, Kirby, yet. Kirby has definitely noticed her and has recently decided that she's not too bad. He doesn't mind being her big brother.

I have had more time to eat during the day, which is great. Not just eat but also to prepare food. That means I'm back to eating all my happy healthy foods. Woohoo! Ok, lunch is easy for now because soon after lunch Aislinn may get fussy and there's no time for anything until dinner. So lunch is going to be soup or a quick sandwich. Breakfast is a variation of Dr. Oz's (Oprah's doctor) morning shake. If you make it his way it's kind of bland and all you can taste is protein powder, so I add more juice. Any juice will do. I also use strawberries instead of blueberries. Either will do. Then I have eggs with onions and cheese. Dinner is usually chicken of some sort and LOTS of veggies. I LOVE veggies. If there is time for a snack I'll have baby carrots and hummus. I still miss the hummus from Spice of Life Cafe in VA. Their hummus is so smooth and tasty. I have also been chugging water and taking walks whenever the weather and Aislinn will permit. Soon I will be joining a gym and starting Mommy and Me Yoga. I can't wait to start exercising again.

Ok, well, I need to get back to work and pretty soon I'll have to feed Aislinn. I'm feeling pretty confident today that I'll be able to do both at the same time. We'll see how I feel at the end of the day. Hopefully it'll all go well.

Seven Weeks

Aislinn has been sleeping in her crib for almost a week now. She looks so tiny in her big crib. She's doing well sleeping in her own room. This morning she was crying a bit. When I went in to get her and unwrapped her from the blanket she was swaddled in she seemed to calm down. I think she was a little to warm. I changed her diaper and put her back in her crib to wash my hands. When I came back in she was kind of looking around smiling. I turned her little lamb mobile on. She watched it and kind of "talked" to herself and the lambs for another half hour. She's getting to be a little better at entertaining herself which is nice. Believe me, I love to hold her and play with her but sometimes I have things I have to do, like work. I start working again on Monday. We can't afford daycare so I have to work and take care of her. I'm kind of worried about it because I feel like I won't be able to give the time that I should be giving to both Aislinn and my job. I kind of think that daycare would be good for her, socializing with other kids and stuff. On the other hand I might miss when she does something new for the first time. The thought of missing that breaks my heart. That's selfish though. It doesn't matter, like I said, we can't afford daycare. We will be able to afford Mommy & Me Yoga and hopefully My Little Gym or something. Plus, she has a whole lot of cousins just 1 hour and 45 minutes away. One first cousin and a ton of second cousins. Once she is a little less delicate she'll be able to play with all of them.

As I had mentioned in a previous post, Aislinn's mikvah (Jewish ritual bath) was scheduled for Monday but the Cantor got her days mixed up. We had to go back on Tuesday to get it done. Before going in we asked the Cantor if I had to completely submerge Aislinn and she said that I should. I didn't really want to do it but I figured that if I just dunked her really fast maybe it wouldn't be too bad. The water was so nice and warm. I think I could have floated around in there all day. One thing that I thought was really weird was that it was really hard to keep my feet on the bottom of the pool, even when I was walking in on the stairs. I didn't taste it, but maybe it was salt water. REALLY salty water. Like the Red Sea. Because Aislinn and I were so buoyant in the water it was really hard to dunk her. I almost had to pull her under and I couldn't do it quickly so she opened her mouth as the water started to run over her face and swallowed it. I quickly pulled her up and she started coughing. I felt awful! I almost cried. I looked up at Howie and the Cantor and I think it was understood that I wasn't going to put her under the water so a half a dunk would just have to do. The cantor said two more prayers and I half dunked her two more times and that was it. Now she's Jewish!

One new cool thing Aislinn has been doing for the past couple of days is smiling when she sees Howie or me. The other day she woke up in her swing crying. When I went to get her out she stopped crying and this huge smile came over her face. It was adorable. She did it for Howie too. She's doing it all the time now and I love it. It's awesome to see her respond to us that way. Now we know that she recognizes us and that she's happy to see us. She knows that we're the people that love her and take care of her. I just makes me melt when she smiles at me. Ok! Everything she does makes me melt. I can't believe that you can love someone this much. I think my heart might just explode and that I couldn't love her more but everyday I do love her more than the last. Even when I feel like she's trying my patience I get caught up in her sweetness. I also think that she might think I'm goofy, I don't know, but she seems to be humored when I sing (badly!) to her while changing her diapers. This is something I only do when I'm alone with her because I don't have a good singing voice. I used to sing to my cat when we were alone. I'd make up new words adding "cat" and "Kirby"in here and there so that it was personalized just for him. I think he likes it too. Now I do that for her. I'm such a dork.

So, the real reason I'm blogging now is to distract myself. I feel like I used to when waiting for my fertility nurse to call with my test results. Right now I'm waiting for my doctor to call. My follow up appointment is on March 28th, no different than it was the last time I blogged about this. I had decided to stop thinking and obsessing over the thing in my uterus because if it was urgent then the doctor would have talked to me herself or I assume would have told the nurse that she wanted to see me ASAP. Perhaps something was not communicated properly between Dr. Hot Stuff, the nurse and me. I'm not sure, but yesterday I missed a call from Dr. Hot Stuff. I was so pissed that I missed the call. She called herself, not the nurse, and said that she was calling to discuss my ultrasound and to give her a call back. I called her back as soon as I got the message but I'm forced to leave a message for the stupid nurse who then passes my message along to Dr. Hot Stuff. UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I know that the stupid nurse doesn't check the messages until 4:00 pm and then who knows if the doctor will call you back. I didn't get a call yesterday so I'm hoping to get one today. I'm not going to call again because what is the point? If I don't get a call back today then I'll just wait to see her on the 28th. The problem is that I'm obsessing about the ultrasound again because now she's is calling me herself a week later. Maybe she did want to see me sooner and the nurse didn't convey that message. I will update you when and if I get a call. I'm sure it's nothing, but I'm driving myself crazy. It's all my fault for consulting Dr. Google. I barely got any sleep last night thinking about endometrial cancer. I'm nuts. I'm just driving myself crazy. I'm sure it's nothing, maybe just a polyp? I guess it's something because something is there, but it's probably nothing fatal. Ok, I'm going to just end the post now because I'm just having a meltdown right here on my site. I'll keep you updated! In the meantime, look at this goofy smile!

Alter Egos

Howie and I both have alter egos. There's "Weekend Howie" and "Caffeinated Amy". Our alter egos are much more pleasant to be around. Weekend Howie is very relaxed and has a really good sense of humor. Caffeinated Amy appears when Weekend Howie drags her out of Regular Amy with either a venti caramel macchiato or a large Dunkin Donuts coffee. Caffeinated Amy instantly starts to create new iTunes playlists and updates her iPod. Music only makes Caffeinated Amy that much more desirable to be around. Caffeinated Amy is much like the second alter ego "Inebriated Amy". The one difference between those two is that Caffeinated Amy is a lot less sloppy than Inebriated Amy. Both Weekend Howie and Caffeinated Amy often get together and start power cleaning. Caffeinated Amy dances around singing to the music on her iPod while doing laundry, vacuuming, and general reorganization of the house. Weekend Howie often gets very flirtatious during the cleaning because he's very turned on by how motivated Caffeinated Amy is. These two usually emerge on a Friday night. The night usually ends with a nice shower and then they head to bed. Weekend Howie usually refuels Caffeinated Amy with a coffee on Saturday morning and sometimes even lights all the candles in the house so that Caffeinated Amy awakes to pleasant scents and a hot beverage while he makes breakfast which is sometimes served in bed. Occationally Caffeinated Amy will cook breakfast, but it is usually Weekend Howie because he's totally a morning person. The rest of the weekend is spent enjoying the clean house, watching movies and on sunny days a shopping trip in Westport or New Canaan.

Oh how I LOVE the weekends! Happy Weekend everyone!

Thanks to everyone who actually bothered reading my first paragraph, I'm high on caffeine. Also thanks to those of you who commented on my last blog. It makes me feel better to hear from you, a lot better.

We are about to head to bed because even though the caffeine is a major mood enhancer for me it doesn't keep me awake. I could close my eyes and be out for the rest of the night without any problem. Tonight will be Aislinn's first night sleeping in her own room. I'm sure she'll do better than I will. I had to give up the family bassinet to my cousin who just had a baby girl.

Dr. Google and My Uterus

I went in for my ultrasound on Monday to find out why I was still bleeding. First, I must say, the dildo cam hurts like hell right now. Just when I get the green light from the doctor and think that I might want to get it on with my husband again I get wanded and now I think I might need to wait a bit longer. It's still a bit tender where I had been stitched up. Anyway, moving on! The ultrasound tech did find something there. She appeared to be concerned, but didn't flip out. She decided that she had to look at it in 3D too. Then she decided to look at my ovaries which are COVERED in cysts right now. Woohooo! YAY PCOS!! So, she said that she would have the doctor look at the ultrasound and get back to me. I waited the rest of Monday to hear something, then part of Tuesday before Howie couldn't wait anymore and actually called the doctor's office himself. At the end of the day I got a call from one of the nurses saying that Dr. Hot Stuff had a half day and was working at the hospital so she wasn't able to take a look at the ultrasounds yet but they were going to have the ultrasounds faxed to the hospital office so that she could look at them on Wednesday. I waited half of the day on Wednesday before calling and left another message asking if they could please have Dr. Hot Stuff look at the ultrasounds and call me ASAP. Reason being that my curiosity got the better of me and I turned to Dr. Google. Dr. Google told me that worst case scenario I could have endometrial cancer. Maybe it's just a polyp or maybe it's cancer, who knows. It's not a piece of my placenta because that was completely intact. So, later that day I got a call back from the nurse. Dr. Hot Stuff had looked at the ultrasounds and said that it may or may not be something (NO SHIT!) but she'd really like to see me again for a follow up with her in the office. They transferred me to the receptionist who was unable to give me anything sooner than a March 28th appointment because they are moving to a new office. Whatever. I am sure that if it were possibly cancer, if she thought it was then she would have told the nurse to tell me I had to come in right away and they would have already checked the schedule for this week to see where they could squeeze me in. I'm not going to think about it right now because I'll make myself crazy. I already did while waiting to hear back from the doctor. I spent a lot of time crying just thinking about how I just had Aislinn and how sad it would be if I did end up having cancer and I was so sick I could barely do anything with her, or that I would miss out on things I would have done with her in the first year. Worse, what if I died and missed out on her whole life. She'd never remember me. I need to pull it together, it's so not cancer! I'm just nuts, and I should NOT consult Dr. Google.

Moving on to other things. Aislinn rolled over yesterday!!! I decided that since she hates tummy time right now that just putting her down for a few moments here and there is better than designating specific time to that. So after I change her diaper and need to wash my hands I put her down on her play mat on the floor. While I'm in the bathroom I can see her so it's not like I totally left her completely unattended. While I was washing my hands she rolled over! She does it all the time now, within moments of being placed on her belly. I guess that's what I get for forcing the tummy time on her, she found a way to get off her belly on her own. LOL! Anyway, here's a video of it.

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My Postpartum Appointment and Other Stuff

I went in for my postpartum OB/GYN appointment today. Before Dr. Hot Stuff came in the nurse asked me if I had my first period yet and I told her that I didn't know because I had never stopped bleeding since the delivery. I didn't think anything of it because I figured it was normal. When the doctor came in she asked me if the bleeding had stopped as she was opening my file and I said no. She thought that was a bit odd and told me that if it doesn't stop in two more weeks then she'll want me to come in for an ultrasound. Once we started the exam and she saw how heavily I was bleeding she told me that she wanted me to come in for an ultrasound on Monday. So there you go, I'm going in for an ultrasound on Monday. I have barely gone a week without an ultrasound in the past two years, so that's just fine. I just hope that everything is ok. I didn't even ask what could be wrong because I don't want to know until they know what's up. I'm sick of obsessing and worrying about my female functions when I clearly have no control over them. I have a whole weekend before the ultrasound and if I think about it too much or spend all kinds of time on Google I'll just drive myself nuts. Instead I'm going to enjoy the weekend, especially going out for a few drinks with our neighbors tomorrow night. It has been forever since I went out for drinks and I REALLY miss my favorite drinking/infertility buddy, Lesley, in VA. LESLEY!!! I MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! A cosmo just isn't a cosmo without her. Oh, and one last note on my appointment with Dr. Hot Stuff. She asked me "And what about birth control?" I replied, "Well, my husband and I discussed it and we weren't really sure it's necessary since I don't actually ovulate." Seriously, why should I waste my money??? She then asked, "So if you happen to get pregnant that's ok?" I kind of laughed, "If I get pregnant that would be a miracle." I highly doubt being pregnant and giving birth has magically jump started my reproductive cycle.

Enough about my uterus and it's dysfunctions. Howie and I have been working on planning a Jewish baby naming for Aislinn. Many of you may be confused about why a couple with a baby with a very Irish name and an Irish mommy are planning a Jewish baby naming. Howie's Jewish and I'm working on my conversion. I was working on it while we were still living in VA but our temple decided to create a big class for a large group of people and I was ahead of them, so I had to wait for the others to catch up. Now we're living in CT and I have to get back on track here. Since I hadn't converted before Aislinn's birth she isn't considered to be Jewish, so she needs to have a mikvah before her baby naming so that she will officially be Jewish. I didn't think I would be able to participate since I am not Jewish yet, but the Cantor who is a woman and performing the ceremony can allow me to dunk Aislinn in the bath under her supervision. So, now I need to get a bathing suit.

Yes, a bathing suit. I don't have one that fits because in the past I wasn't a huge fan of my chubbiness but after being naked and pregnant dripping amniotic fluid and blood in front of everyone I no longer care. I'm over it. Just being pregnant made me feel better about my body. I don't know if I'm going to be laying out in the sun by the pool with the whole housing community this summer, but I don't obsess over my general appearance the way that I used to. I feel good about the way that I look and if I could find the clothes I owned BEFORE I was pregnant I might actually enjoy dressing myself. That's something I haven't enjoyed in years! Oddly enough being comfortable with my weight and my body is actually more incentive for me to eat more healthfully and lose weight. In April I plan to start Mommy & Me Yoga classes and also return to the gym. I can't wait to go back to the gym!!! I'm also looking forward to cooking real meals again someday soon. Now that Aislinn feeding schedule allows for more time in between feedings I have actually been eating breakfast and lunch most of the week and I'm still able to fit in a nap and some light cleaning. In two more weeks I need to find some time in my day for work and school. It will be more difficult than I had originally thought to work from home and take care of Aislinn but I'm sure I'll work it out.

One Month

Aislinn had her one month physical on Monday. She now weighs 8 lbs. 3 oz. and measures 21 1/4 inches in length. She's getting so big so fast! She's holds her head up like a two month old and she is getting closer to rolling over. She's doing very well. Our next appointment is in four weeks. I'm not really looking forward to that one because that's when she'll be getting her first set of shots since she was born.

Aislinn has been a little more difficult during the day. Today she barely slept at all. Maybe 15 minutes here or there, but ONLY if I was holding her. Around 3:00 pm I had decided that since she was fed, burped, and her diaper was changed that she was simply crying because she was either bored or tired. I tried putting her in the swing and putting her on her playmat. Neither one entertained her. I sat with her and talked to her but that didn't help. I figured since she really hadn't taken a nap that she must be tired, so tired that she's just completely out of her mind. I tried to put her down for a nap but she cried. So, at 3:00 pm I put her crib in her room rather than the bassinet next to my bed. I turned on the monitor so that I could hear her, but I decided I'd let her cry it out for a while. I just simply couldn't do anything else for her and I needed a break from the screaming and crying. I put her in her room because seeing her little face when she cries just breaks my heart. She did alright, she cried a bit but was quiet for the majority of the hour. At 4:00 pm I went in to change her diaper and feed her. She started to cry again during her feeding, it wasn't my let-down reflex because I had pumped before feeding her and I'm trying to just use one side at a time. Burping her seemed to piss her off even more, no matter what position I put her in. She wasn't happy no matter what I did and this continued until 8:00 pm. Now she's fast asleep in her swing. She has been sleeping 5 to 6 hours at night, so I guess I should just be happy. Howie and I might get some time off this weekend. We're considering going to a surprise birthday party for our neighbor and leave Aislinn with Howie's parents. We're not 100% sure that we're going to go, but if we do I can guarantee that I will be relaxing with a few glasses of wine! Anyway, I am going to go to bed in just a few moments so that I will be prepared for tomorrow. If there is anything that I don't mind about the fussiness it's the cute little pouty face that Aislinn makes when she cries.

Milk Milk Everywhere!!

I know! I know! You are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of hearing about the state of my breasts, my milk production, and my daughter's interest in all of that. I promise you that one day you will visit my site and not have to read a post about breastfeeding, but today is not that day.

What is it about my breasts that is so important that I have to post at 12:30 am? I am finally producing enough milk!!!! Woooohoooooooooo!!!!! Unfortunately I have a very forceful let-down reflex which really pisses Aislinn off and usually causes her to have a complete meltdown. I didn't understand what was happening at first. She's always so quiet and when she does cry it's usually this really quiet calm cry, so when she started having these fits I didn't know what was wrong with her. My first thought was that she needed to be burped. When I tried burping her she hungrily sucked her hand in between wails. When I couldn't get her to burp and noticed that she was eating her hand I tried to get her to latch on again which just made her cry more. By the time I gave up on trying to get her to breastfeed she was so distraught that she wouldn't even take a bottle. The only way I could calm her down was to walk her around the house rocking her and patting her back. After a while she'd finally stop crying and then just fall asleep. This has been going on for three days now. On day two I thought that maybe she wasn't getting enough milk. When Howie got home from work I handed her over so that he could feed her a bottle while I pumped. I was surprised to find out that I had more milk than I've ever had, more than enough to satisfy her hunger. When it happened again today I was completely confused so I googled "crying while breastfeeding" and I found that the problem could be a forceful let-down reflex. I looked it up in my breastfeeding book and I feel like a total jackass for not fully paying attention or noticing the cause of her frustration. The book described exactly how she's been acting. I feel like a total idiot for not picking up on the fact that she was gulping, which was followed up by a panicky look, flailing about and then uncontrollable crying. Describing it now I can't understand how it wasn't completely obvious, but I'm so used to not having enough milk that I guess I just never even considered that maybe I had plenty of milk and that it was coming out too fast.

I feel so much better having discovered this. Now I can either pump a bit first, breastfeed more often, or just use a different position so that I'm leaning back and gravity takes care of the rest. Leaning back seemed to help at her last feeding.

Well, I better go. Aislinn needs to be rocked to sleep.

More Boob News and Other Stuff

Let's get the Boob Report out of the way first. There's good news and bad news. We'll start with the bad news and move on to the good news. My left breast has some strange mystery pain. It's very sensitive and sore, but I can't find any clogged ducts. I will be returning to therapy on Monday to figure out what is wrong. Ugh, more titty torture! I hate it! I also don't have enough milk to satisfy my daughter, but the good news is that my milk supply is increasing!! I'm taking a number of herbal supplements that my lactation consultant recommended. Fenugreek, Goat's Rue, Blessed Thistle and Mother's Milk Tea. Fenugreek has a maple scent to it so if you hang out with me you may end up having the urge to drive over to IHOP and get a large stack of pancakes. So far the mix of herbs is working quite well. YAY!! That's not the only good news. We're off the nipple shield!!! Well, we've had two feedings without it. So far so good! It feels great to be free from the nipple shield. It's just one less thing to deal with.

Aislinn had her two week check up the other day. She now weighs 6 lbs. 15 oz. and is 19 3/4 inches long. She's right on target, but the fact that she's growing up breaks my heart. I know it's just a tiny bit of growing but it breaks my heart that she will soon no longer be my itty bitty baby with itty bitty features. She will never be this tiny ever again so I'm trying to enjoy every moment. The doctor also told me that Aislinn was holding her head up like a one month old. She's so strong, I'm so proud of her!

While my little peanut is gaining weight I'm still losing. I don't remember the last time I was so thin. I'm 17.5 lbs. below my prepregnancy weight!!! I've lost 28.5 lbs. since the baby was born. I actually wore a pair of old jeans that were tucked away in the back of the closet today. It's great, I hope that I keep losing. It's probably a combination of breast feeding and forgetting to eat most of the day. When I do eat during the day it's usually something light like soup and I am really good about drinking lots of water and juices. It's like being on a liquid diet until dinner time when Howie and I either eat something that our parents have made for us or something I made and put in the freezer before going into labor. The only thing I don't dig is the weird flabby belly, but please, I was so huge and I can't expect ALL of that skin to shrink down that quickly. It may not ever shrink down completely, but it's ok. She's totally worth it.

I managed to pull off a surprise Valentine's Dinner for Howie. I made garlic breaded chicken breasts, potatoes, and I wanted to make some sort of veggie but we didn't have any at all so that was it. Pretty limited dinner. I was disappointed with that, but we also had the tiny bottle of champagne that we got with our brunch at the hospital. We didn't drink it there because I hadn't breastfed Aislinn yet so we decided to take it home with us. Dessert was the best part. I had made chocolate cupcakes with vanilla frosting. Nothing big but I have been dying for chocolate cupcakes for months. Aislinn sat quietly in her baby papasan while Howie and I ate, then we opened Valentine's Day cards. I had been looking forward to watching Lost later that night but because I was busy during all of my spare time preparing cupcakes or preparing dinner, cleaning the kitchen table and doing dishes I hadn't had a nap. Once we sat down on the couch to watch Lost I passed out and was pretty much useless for the rest of the night. Howie went to Walgreens after Lost to return something and lost his keys to the house. When he got home he forgot to turn off the headlights on the car. The next morning the battery was dead so our neighbor had to give us a jump and then Howie drove it to the neighbor's garage to get recharged while he was at work. Because Howie and I only have one car and nobody else that we know has a carseat base for our carseat I was unable to bring Aislinn to the doctor that day, so I had to reschedule for Friday. At some point on Friday we got a hole in our back left tire so Howie spent the morning laying on the frozen ground putting our spare tire on. When our neighbor returns home on Tuesday we will bring the car in to have the tires replaced. We have a full spare so we'd rather wait for our neighbor to come home so that we can get a discount on the tires. We're all about saving every cent now that there's a third person in the house. Our luck hasn't been so great the second half of this week, but we've been handling it pretty well. I think we're just too tired to find the energy to get all worked up about it.

I think it's now the time to drink a Pepsi or a cup of coffee so that I can finally get through the piles of laundry in Aislinn's room. Howie just went through through all the junk on the dining room table so that we can eat on it tomorrow when my parents and sister come to visit tomorrow. The only room in our house that ever seems to be clean is the kitchen. That's just because we're afraid of those nasty little fruit flies and cockroaches returning. The rest of the house can wait. It's amazing how quickly the house can get messy. I don't even know how it happens. I hope to see my house completely clean again someday but for now I don't have the energy to worry about it.

Sorry I didn't get a chance to add pictures the other day, but for those of you asking for new pics here you go!