Howie & Amy +1 and Late Night Talks with Dr. Google

So, earlier this week I was trying to catch up on all the Oprah shows on the dvr and there was Jon & Kate + 8. For those of you who don't know WTF I'm talking about you should check out the link. It's this couple who say they are considered a "fertility nightmare". They had trouble producing (know what that's like) so they did an IUI and had twin girls. Sweet! Then she had baby fever and begged the hubby to have another because she wanted to know what it would be like to have ONE baby at a time. They did another IUI and she had a litter of 6. So now there are EIGHT kids in the house and she is my new hero because even though she has a few people over to help she's still an amazing super mom with a clean house and still finds time to be a hot mom. I feel so fat and lazy and messy when I watch them on tv. So, now I'm obsessed with them and have to watch them on TLC (they're on Discovery & TLC... I think... or did I somehow stumble upon Discovery?) Now that I sat here and watched this couple deal with the 8 kids and even take them on a trip to Disney World I have become insanely motivated around here. I can't have a messy house if theirs is clean, and they read the 100 emails they get every day. I am still only responding to email here and there and even have some unread email going back to when Aislinn was just a month old. So embarrassing! I suck. And I think they blog! I quit blogging for months. I need to get my ass in gear! So, I have been cleaning around here like I'm Monica Gellar on Friends. It's not perfect yet, but we're getting there. I also started to read that book I think I mentioned in the last post, but if not here you go. I'm reading Oprah's new book club selection A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and I'm going to take the web class thingy that she's doing. It's a great book and it is an awakening like Oprah and all her celeb friends claim it is and I LOVE it. So I recommend it, and I recommend watching Jon & Kate + 8. They're funny and you will enjoy it.

On to why the holy hell I'm up at 2:30 AM. I was going to bed earlier but I was laying in bed wondering about something my mother-in-law keeps bringing up and why the fuck I'm cramping, feeling sick, the back pain, all the gas & acid reflux. So I ran downstairs to consult Dr. Google and now I'm starting to spazz out a tad but lucky the Sandman is taking over and telling me to get my ass to bed so I will quickly confide in you, my lovely blogosphere friends. First of all, I will admit that my relationship with my MIL hasn't been the most fab and she often rides my ass about everything because if she isn't riding someone about something she might just explode (part of things I'm trying to deal with and learn to love her regardless of her bitchiness) but I do believe that this time her intentions are good and I know when it comes to this she genuinely cares. She had colon cancer a few years back and won her fight with it (YAY!) so now she is very big on cancer prevention and she whole heartedly believes in having any test you can to be sure nothing funky is growing inside of you. I can't blame her and I agree. Catching it early is pretty much key. So anyway, she's discovered this blood test that anyone can have to find out if you have ovarian cancer, CA-125. I guess it's expensive but if it can save your life who cares, right? I have no problem doing it but I'm waiting for our new insurance cards in the mail (any day now) and then I will be sure to get into see Dr. Hot Stuff and ask for the blood test. So, anyway she mentions that I need to be tested like all the time, every time I see her. Oy! I will, I will! So, I'm laying in bed with these weird cramps and strange back pain that isn't a result of the cramps (usually it is when it's menstrual cramping) and serious nausea. I'm not knocked up because I've nearly been peeing on a stick everyday. I start to think about how PCOS and ovarian cancer are loosely linked and I start to wonder if I've got cancer all over my ovaries. So I obsess and I obsess and I decide that there's no falling asleep next to Howie and all his snoring so I might as well ask Dr. Google what the symptoms are and unfortunately I've got them, HOWEVER those symptoms can go with anything. Perhaps my fluffy uterus is working up to expelling it's 3-4 months worth of lining, who knows. I don't know. I'm probably freaking myself out but I was laying in bed thinking of how awful it would be to miss out on Aislinn's life. She's amazing and how I LOVE our closeness. She is my sweet little love bug. I can't imagine being too sick to flip her upside down and run around together. I love the way she laughs when I toss her onto the couch and play peek-a-boo with her from behind the pillows. Even worse than being too sick to do that would be to just not be here with her at all. I have to stop thinking like that now. Even if I do have some sort of cancer growing on my ovaries it would likely be quite new. I mean, with all the ovary watching during fertility treatments and the fact that I had ultrasounds done too look at my uterus and ovaries after I gave birth to Aislinn I'm sure it would have been caught then. I have to just calm down and get the blood test done and probably get my crazy ass back in birth control because exposing my body to high levels of testosterone and estrogen isn't helping me. I can work on getting my health together naturally and then when I have that under control I can come off the birth control but in the meantime I think I need to be on it. I have to anyway to get my cycle back on schedule because if I am all healthy and good we're hoping to maybe defrost Frosty for a possibly transfer in June maybe. Just a thought.

Ok, my thoughts are probably all out of whack from my intense sleepiness at this point so I should go.