Ugh, I'm on birth control but it's sugar pill week and I have not yet had my period. The whole reason I'm on birth control is to make sure my period comes and then goes. I clearly don't need it for pregnancy prevention. How silly. I did eat some grapefruit though so I guess if I were the lucky type I could have gotten pregnant. That so doesn't happy to me though, let's not be ridiculous. I am extra weepy lately though. I have no problem breaking down and crying over absolutely nothing at all. And I've been sooooo nauseated. I don't even want to think about eating. So, what the hell is going on with all the symptoms. Ugh. I love the worst of the symptoms when a baby is involved but there is no such thing right now. I peed on a stick on Saturday night and then again last night. BFN. Why do I bother? I hate pee sticks.
Maybe it's just me. No joke, EVERYONE I know in town is pregnant. Ok, just EVERY woman. If they're not currently pregnant they just had a baby. I really can't take it anymore. I feel like my head will explode. My husband told my neighbor that I'd be coming to her Pampered Chef party yesterday because he thought it would be good for me to get out. Are you kidding me? The moment I walked in her door I went straight for the bottle of wine and filled up my glass. I stood there for an hour drinking as much wine as possible so I wouldn't break down in front of everyone. I'm usually a happy drunk so I was thinking that if I got drunk enough I wouldn't care that my neighbor's pregnant belly finally popped and I lived through watching guest after guest getting a tour of the nursery. About 1 1/2 bottles later I was able to take the tour myself. Then we had to look at pictures of her and her other pregnant friend putting their bellies together. Oh God! All I could think about is how I should be hugely pregnant right now. I should be due to have a baby a few weeks from now. I should be meeting my new baby on Valentine's Day. This whole thing is becoming unbearable. Aislinn is turning 2 on Thursday and I can't stop thinking about how quickly she grew up and how I could just go back and slow things down because I'm not going to get to do that again. I sound like her birthday makes me sad. It doesn't really, I just wish you could go back and visit little moments again.
Aislinn is great. I love her like crazy. She is more and more amazing every day. She's the best thing to ever happen to us and I'm thankful for her every day of my life. I love her so much I want more.
5 comments:
(sorry for the deleted post, I said something twice LOL.. Im tired! Sorry!)
(((((Hugs))))))
I imagine TTC #2 (or more) is hard because you have a taste of it, motherhood, you know precisely what you've wanted all those years. Ugh. I'm sorry. I can't believe Aislinn is turning 2. That's crazy.
I am so sorry that you are in this place. I remember back when I had my last negative and all my frosties were used up. It sucks! I don't think it helps that your little girl is growing up in front of you so quickly.
I am rambling. Try to enjoy that little girl as much as you can. I hope you find some peace and a surprise in your future.
Hugs.
Here's my plug for adoption. It is an AWESOME way to add children to your family. There are so many kids that need the love of a family.
Don't feel worried about the pregnancy..you must think that what ever happen God give it to you because God loves you and he will guide you all the time..If it is Positive it is a great blessing:)
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