Proof of Life

After all the worrying I did all day yesterday, all last night, and all morning, it turns out that things are just fine.

There are two babies. Both Babies A and B, more affectionately known as Little Nugget and Small Fry, have a fetal pole and yolk sac. Little Nugget is bigger than Small Fry, and we are assuming that Small Fry is our little slacker blastocyst.


Small Fry has always been a step or two behind, but we love him anyway. And yes, I said "he" and "him" because I just imagine that Small Fry will end up being like that little boy from Jerry Maguire. A small awkward child with big glasses, but so damn cute that you could just eat him up. So, that's why I say "he". Anyway, Small Fry does not have a visible heartbeat right now. Dr. Sunshine said that either he will stop developing or that he's just a little bit behind. I think he'll be ok, he may be slow but he is strong. I mean, he was behind before but he attached himself and grew a fetal pole and yolk sac. I'm not ready to give up on him just yet. Maybe we'll see a heartbeat at our next ultrasound on June 22nd.

Little Nugget did have a visible heartbeat today. The wand lady was measuring and explaining everything that we were looking at and then she pointed at this flicker and said, "That flicker is a heartbeat". A HEARTBEAT! We saw our baby's heart beating! It was surreal. Howie said that he shed a tear but I missed it because I had my eyes glued to the monitor. All I could say was "Awwww". I didn't cry, I didn't even think to because I was so focused on observing every little thing I could about the smudges on the screen that are my babies. I was facinated by them, so far that's what Howie and I look like all together in one person, well actually, two people. They are the most beautiful things that I've ever seen in my entire life.

Doctor Sunshine and Wand Lady left the room and Howie and I were alone. I was still in awe from the whole scan and Howie was happier than I'd ever seen him. He gave me a kiss and we looked at the photos. Once we were in the car everything started to hit me and I began to cry. I have totally fallen in love with them. I know that it's still very early, but this is further than I've ever been before, and I don't want to worry about the next hurdle right now. I probably should, it's something that I'm used to doing, but I just saw them and they look as good as I could have hoped. Like Les said to me the other day, bad things could happen at any stage in my pregnancy, there's nothing I can do about it. It doesn't matter if I worry or if I relax, if something happend to them my heart would break, the only difference is that if I relax I'll be able to enjoy them now. So, for now, I'm going to relax.