Friday, March 21, 2008

Frosty the Snow Embryo

It's been over two weeks since the red wave hit and it is just ending now. I had my annual appointment with my ob/gyn scheduled for this past Monday. In order to cancel it in time I'd have to call on Friday. I didn't know if it would stop over the weekend because it seemed to be slowing down temporarily so I didn't cancel. I should have because it was flowing full force by Monday and I knew they wouldn't be able to do a proper pap smear. It was too late to cancel so I figured I'd go in and get some birth control anyway. They nurse asked me to pee in a cup before the appointment and ran off around the corner before I could tell her I was having my period and it was going to be a really gross pee sample. So I went ahead into the bathroom to basically fill up a cup of super red pee. So gross! I wrapped my hand around the cup so that people passing in the hallway wouldn't think that I just poured blood from a small dead animal into the cup. When the nurse showed me into the exam room I told her that I was still having my period and that I didn't cancel because I thought my period would be over by then and that the pee sample was a mess and all. She took my sample and actually shouted "Oh come on!" at me. Yes, thank you Nurse Bitch! She went on about how there's no way they can do a pap smear and I should have rescheduled and that this was a waste of time and shit. I couldn't believe she was so rude. I had never been talked to like that in this office and I was coming in once a week since I was 30 weeks pregnant, twice a week for the last month or so. I told her that when I scheduled the appointment I didn't know I'd suddenly get my period since I had only had it once since I gave birth and that even before I was pregnant I never knew when my period was coming and how long it would stay once it was here. Even during a period it slows down and then gets heavy and then slows down, it went back and forth so I never knew when it was truly about to stop. I explained that I needed to see Dr. Hot Stuff to get some birth control before I bothered to reschedule. I mean, my period can last a month or two and then sometimes it surprises me with just 2 weeks. I don't know. I already feel like a malfunctioning machine, I don't need some bitchy nurse treating me like some stupid freak. Maybe I'm a little extra sensitive about it because I'm all hormonal. Whatever. So she went out in the hall and I could hear her talking to Dr. Hot Stuff about how I came in with my period and that she told me that I can't get a pap smear during my period and that this could only be a birth control consultation. Dr. Hot Stuff just calmly and politely said "Ok! It's fine. It's not a problem." and then entered the room. She was nice, as always, and asked about Aislinn and chatted for a second then we talked about my PCOS and birth control and my plans for Frosty. I told her I just needed a regular pill, monthly cycle pill, for the next few months. She had free samples of ortho tri-cyclen lo and just sent me home with a bunch of those. Awesome, I don't have to spend money on bc! I know I'd have to start that to be ready for the frozen embryo transfer anyway so it's all good.

So, on to Frosty. I spoke to my old fertility doc, what hell did I used to call her? Dr. Sunshine? I think that was it. So I called the fertility office and asked if they could give her a message that I called. Less than an hour later she called back. She explained what the procedure would be and was happy that I had just started birth control. She said I'd have to go down there for a mock transfer and then again for the real transfer. She said that they wouldn't know how the embryo looked after defrosting until the day of transfer since that's when they defrost it. She explained that frozen embryos have a 70-80% chance of surviving after being frozen and that they have a pregnancy rate of 30-40%. I know those odds look bad with only one embryo to work with but she's optimistic because things with Aislinn and she said that it was a good embryo. One of my friends here in CT that has PCOS was all negative about us bothering to try with just one embryo. She also bothered to tell me one time that I should remember that it's not really a living thing yet and that I shouldn't think of it like it is one. I can't help but think of it that way. I mean, I'm not a crazy right wing super christian that is against abortion because "life begins at conception". I don't want it to sound like that's what I'm saying because if I were raped I might feel different. But this embryo is a life to me, it's a life that my husband and I made... with the help of some other people. LOL! We tried so hard to create this little embryo and no matter how things turn out, a piece of me and a piece of Howie came together and made something - the beginning of a little person. I loved all of our little embryos from the moment we heard about them and I was routing for all 5 (or was it 6) to survive. I was never planning on having 5 or 6 kids but suddenly I was thinking, they're ours! OURS! We made them! I want to give them all a chance. I want to give Frost a chance, that's it. Why did we make him/her if we never wanted to give it a chance.

The only trouble now is the insurance. I don't know how it'll work. If we had the same insurance I guess a frozen transfer wouldn't be a problem because they invested in the creation of this embryo as well. Now we're in a new state with different laws and new insurance. They might say we're required to do 4 IUIs and 4 IVF cycles before we transfer Frosty but that's craziness. I think starting with an embryo we already have could save them money and perhaps with a letter from the doc to the insurance company and maybe some more back and forth we might be able to do it. I'm not going to keep my ONE embryo frozen for much longer. That's crazy! I need to transfer this thing and if I did get pregnant with the IUIs and IVFs that they REQUIRE then I'll never get around to defrosting Frosty. I just want to see how things go with that before moving on. So, I don't know, maybe we'll have to pay for it. Howie and I agree that we want to give Frosty a chance and we are both optimistic even if people think the odds suck. I don't care.

So, I guess we need to talk to the finance department at the fertility clinic and in about 4 weeks I'm going to head down to VA for a mock transfer and then we'll move forward from there. I can do monitoring at a fertility clinic in CT where Dr. Sunshine has a fertility friend. If Frosty doesn't work out then I'll be hooked up with a new clinic. If things with the insurance work out then we're hoping to do the transfer sometime in May! That would make the due date in February. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Friday, March 07, 2008

I've Finally Been Hit By The Big Red Wave

Yes, it's true! My period has arrived and it's not too bad... so far. I don't want to jinx it. It isn't heavy like it used to be and my cramps are barely there. Now, my flow may be lighter but I'm still hating the super low flow bitches that can wear those insanely small panty liners. I love my sister-in-law but she's one of those lucky bitches that only need a panty liner. WTF, if that's how light your flow is you might as well just wear some black underwear for the 3 days you have your period and just wash your underwear at the end of the day. Anyway, I was sooooo excited about getting my period that I emailed my acupuncturist last night to let her know.

The detox is going well. The first week I cut down on some things I'll be giving up next week and I take two packets of detoxification support packets. They protect my liver and whatnot during the detox. Yesterday was my first day and I was pretty good, excluding my Mommy's Night Out dinner. All the mommy's from the playgroup go out once a month (I could go for more) and we relax with a few drinks and some yummy food. Last night we went to P.F. Changs. Sooooo good. We got the Changs chicken lettuce wraps, steamed veggie dumplings, kung pao chicken, mu shu chicken, mongolian beef, singapore street noodles, and the dan dan noodles. They were all fucking awesome! The food there is sooo good anyway, but food always tastes better when you don't have a toddler to feed and entertain. You get to eat slowly and converse with adults without interruption. I also had a couple of drinks and was feeling REALLY good and relaxed - I was thinking of going home and getting it on with Howie. Sadly this was the time that my period arrived. Maybe relaxing a bit with friends helped things along too. Back to the detox though, I started my day off with a frozen gluten free blueberry waffle. Aislinn had one too. We both love them! We eat them dry, no butter or syrup. For lunch I had a spring mix salad with just garlic olive oil. I would have put some nuts or seeds or something fun on it but I forgot to buy some at the store. It's all good. I also had an apple on the side. I'm drinking water like mad crazy. I think I'm still hyped enough to not be missing the things I'm not eating too much. I know it'll be harder later but then it'll get easier again.

Well, it's time for me to hurry up and take a quick nap before Aislinn wakes. My period always makes me sleepy and useless. Before I go, I was asked to post some pics of Aislinn so here they are!

Mmmmm! Birthday cake!

Playing with some streamers.

These streamers really are a lot of fun!

Hopefully Bren doesn't mind that I've posted this pic :) It's just a cute pic.

I so badly want to put her hair in pigtails that I gave her antennae.

"Ok, I let you play with my hair. Can you just let me text my friends in peace?"

Having fun in the snow!

Welcoming Daddy home.

Feeding baby a bottle on her mini-boppy while sitting on her mini-couch.

Oh... and I just want to say CONGRATULATIONS! to Les who just gave birth to her baby boy today!!! I am soooooo happy for her. She has been waiting a long time to have this little baby and he will be very loved.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

A Different Kind of Spring Cleaning

I went to my nutritionist today for the first time in a month. Aislinn came along with me. I packed a grilled cheese sandwich, some crackers, a banana, some water & milk along with a handful of toys. She behaved the whole time which is super fabulous! They love her there, but how could you not love her? She's the most wonderful, gorgeous little girl... well... she is to me but I know that I am bias. Anyway, the nutritionist - I have to have a name for her other than "my nutritionist". I'll think about that and update you when the decision has been made. So, as I was saying, my nutritionist and I talked about how I need to lose some massive weight by June when Howie and I are hoping to go in and have Frosty transferred. I'm in a good place mentally and emotionally thanks to Eckhart Tolle and Oprah so I'm ready to get serious about weight loss. She suggested that I start a 28 day detox tomorrow. I thought about it for a few moments and then agreed. There was a woman on the detox that also has PCOS, she hasn't lost weight in 10 years but on this detox she lost 14 lbs. in 28 days! Oh, AND she got her period!!! So, I boarded that train in hopes it'll rock my world too. My nutritionist and my acupuncturist had a little powwow about me later this afternoon about me being on a detox. My acupuncturist is going to get my ass on some rockin' herbs that will make my uterus behave and possibly my ovaries too. And by herbs I don't mean wacky-tabacky, although I do smell like I've been smokin' up after the sessions where she uses moxa on me. Anyway, I'm pretty excited about the detox, the herbs and needling & reading some more chapters of A New Earth.

Aislinn is still working on pushing through some teeth somewhere in her mouth. She seems to completely come unglued at 7 pm, if not before. Other than that she's so happy. She is so cute and she is sooooo smart! I can't believe how big she is. A couple of days ago when we were at Mommy & Me I noticed that her walk was different and at first I thought "why is she walking so strangely?" but then I realize that her walk wasn't strange, it was more like a real walk. She is starting to walk like a little person rather than a baby. Unbelievable! She loves walking around outside and she doesn't get tired! We could be out for 30 - 45 minutes and she's still full of energy. It's nice having a little walking buddy. She is too flippin' cute. I can't believe Howie and I made such a perfect little person!

Monday, March 03, 2008

Relay for Life!

Tonight I'm not blogging about the many adventures of Mommyhood or my raging baby fever. Instead this entry is about the Relay for Life. My new friends - the moms in my playgroup - are all signed up and ready to participate in the Relay for Life. Here's a little bit of info from the American Cancer Society about the Relay:

Relay For Life is an overnight event that brings our community together to help support the American Cancer Society and its lifesaving mission to eliminate cancer as a major health problem. The Society works hard every day to prevent cancer and save lives by supporting groundbreaking research, affecting public policies that protect us from cancer, and educating people on how to prevent or detect cancer early. Thanks to our hardworking advocates, all six New England states now have comprehensive statewide clearn indoor air statutes.

The Society helps people with cancer by providing free rides to and from treatment, free wigs, retreats for cancer patients and their families, and a hotline manned by cancer information specialists. By calling 1-800-ACS(227)-2345, anytime, day or night, 365 days a year, people can get answers to their questions about cancer and everything related to it.

Our efforts at Relay For Life can help the American Cancer Society to keep working toward a cancer-free future.

This is my first year participating in the Relay for Life but I have many people to walk for. I walk for my mother-in-law who is a colon cancer survivor. Thankfully she is still with us and doing well. I'm also walking for a former co-worker of mine who found out not long ago that she has stage 4 lung cancer. I think about her and her family everyday and it breaks my heart that they have to go through this. I'm also relaying to remember all the people that my family, my friends, and I have lost to cancer. The ACS estimates that cancer will take the lives of over 500,000 people this year. Small children, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, friends, best friends! I don't know all of these people and their families but I will be relaying for their lives.

If anyone out there in the blogosphere is interested in making a donation to support me and my team you can do so by visiting my personal page. Thank you.