My little princess is asleep and I'm crazy enough to be blogging rather than sleeping. I'm not even sure how I am keeping my eyes open right now. I'll try to make this a quick entry and hopefully it'll all make sense. If not, well, it's because I'm exhausted. Sorry.
So far things are going well. Breastfeeding is off to a rough start but I'm trying to keep it up. At the hospital she didn't want to breast or bottle feed. Aislinn and I were stressed out with eachother during our first few feedings because I was dredding having people pop in every few hours to grab and pinch my breasts and then have them try to force my poor baby on my breast when she just wasn't freaking hungry yet. After that I would just wish that she'd just latch on so that we'd both get a break from all of that and she was probably like I hate those stupid boobs! She would cry whenever I put her anywhere near me for feeding and was just too worked up to actually try to eat once my milk was coming in. Howie did a lot of bottle feedings while I pumped. I called a lactation consultant who told me to take a bunch of herbal supplements that will help bring in more milk and told me that I had some clogged ducts that I'd have to massage out if I didn't want to go to therapy. No problem, I got that cleared up. Anything to avoid any future torture. Aislinn and I also had to spend more skin to skin time, which sounds great but I feel like there's ALWAYS someone around. I'm working on it though. She has started to breast feed a bit here and there though. It takes forever and I have to wear a nipple shield because my nipples aren't big enough for her (sorry if that's TMI for some of you). The lactation consultant is also having me mix together two different nipple creams to repair some minor breastfeeding damage. Other than that, breast feeding kicks ass! No really, I do want to do this and I'm trying to get through everything. Sure, I would love to just give up because that would actually mean that I could get some more sleep at night, but I know that this is more healthy for the two of us. I hate the thought of her eating formula, which we have had to give her every once in a while, but I really don't want to do that too often.
Aislinn has also already experienced a minor case of diaper rash and some sort of rash on her face. The diaper rash is almost gone and the rash on her face is always moments away from making a full comeback. She's just sensitive, but I think it'll all be ok. The doctor isn't too concerned.
In general though, she's great. I don't want to jinx it, because it's still early and things can change, but she's really good and very quiet. She sleeps well and WE actually have to wake HER up for feedings. When she isn't sleeping she's awake and quiet. Just kinda hangs out and observes her surroundings. She seems pretty laid back, but I don't know. It could still change, we're only one week two. Howie is a really great father. He is so good with her and I think she's already a daddy's girl. I think he's a better dad than I am a mom. Not that I'm horrible or anything, but he's just so good with her and I don't think I'm quite as good. Anyway, he's very cute with her and he has been so good with me too. He has been so supportive about the breast feeding and he is always telling me what a great job I am doing. He's great. If I didn't have him I wouldn't be doing so well right now.
Yesterday was my first day alone with her and I had to bring her to the doctor too. I wasn't worried about the doctor visit, just the fact that I'd have to drive my itty bitty baby around in the car. It was totally fine though, the doctor is just down the street. I was scared to death of being all alone with her. I wasn't sure that I could do it and I feel like Aislinn and I didn't really have a chance to bond right away because my in-laws were instantly there right after her birth. I wanted to have some quiet time alone with her and Howie but his parents couldn't wait to see her so my time was cut short. They also hovered around her when my parents showed up and kept Aislinn all to themselves so that my parents couldn't even get a look at her, but that's a whole other post. I barely got to hold her at the hospital with all the visitors and then we had that awful breastfeeding time together. After that I kind of felt like she was stressed out everytime she was close to me. I would watch Howie with her and just wish that she was as relaxed with me. So, I was pretty worried about being alone with her because I wasn't sure I'd be able to take care of her alone. What if she hated being with me? Anyway, I fed her before going to the doctor, which took longer than I had expected. It took her forever to burp. Right before we were about to leave she pooped so I had to change her diaper. I was already 5 minutes late for her appointment by the time we left. Luckily the doctor is no more than 5 minutes away and I'm sure that many new parents are late to their appointments. The appointment went well and we went home. It was time to feed her again and she was rather hungry. I turned on my iPod so that we could listen to music and I could sing to her while I heated up her bottle and ate some banana bread. After I fed her I put my baby wrap on so that I could carry her around and have my hands free to do some dishes. A while later my brother and his girlfriend stopped in to say goodbye to us. The next time Aislinn sees him she'll be walking and talking, so weird! The rest of the day was pretty much the same thing over and over, feeding, diaper changing, sleeping. By the time Howie got home I felt a lot better about everything. Aislinn and I are just fine. Today was pretty good too. I like doing tummy time together. I like seeing her hold her head up to look at me with her beautiful eyes. I love giving her little kisses and I love when she cuddles up with me and falls asleep. We're more comfortable together now, and this morning she breastfed on both sides without totally freaking out in the middle of it and demanding a bottle. Thank God! So I think things are going to be just fine.