Thursday, May 18, 2006

Trying to Smile Through the Boredom

I'm REALLY bored at work, and I kinda hate my job right now. I considered writing an entry about why I hate my job even though I love the company I work for, but then I decided that it was all too boring. Just because I'm bored doesn't mean that I have to bore all of you to death. So, I decided to entertain myself with some infertility sniglets. You can read all of them if you go to the site, I just wanted to list my favorites:

Bladder Praying: praying that your bladder will fill up so that you can take an HPT - because it's day 29 and you KNOW FOR SURE THAT THE TEST RESULTS ARE GOING TO BE POSITIVE THIS TIME.

Briefectomy: furtive removal of all tight-fitting briefs from your husband's underwear drawer.

Clearpit Easy: bottomless pit into which women hurl buckets of money while repeatedly testing for pregnancy way too early or while testing for an LH surge.

Clomidbuddy: the invisible but very useful "nobody" who is TRULY responsible for all the awful things mistakenly attributed to a woman on Clomid. ("It wasn't ME who smashed those dishes onto the floor in Clomid-induced anger ... It was the Clomidbuddy.")

Coinus interruptus: the impact of infertility treatments on one's pocketbook.

Day-one-dering: wondering why oh why you have to deal with "day one", yet again!

Fanta-sizing: Dreaming what you would look like nine months pregnant.

Freeballing: the step beyond boxers taken by truly devoted husbands with low sperm count.

Hormonophobia: dread fear of saying the wrong thing to your wife when she is on fertility drugs.

Joe Pesci Syndrome: the overwhelming urge (which occurs around day 12 of a Metrodin/Humegon cycle) to attack someone rude with a pen, pencil, or whatever's handy.

Male sex drive: something constantly in motion, but shuts down completely from his wife's cycle days 10-16, because, after all, what's the use...

Miss Mannerism: the habit, when people ask you nosy questions about when you're going to get pregnant or make rude comments like "want my kids?" of looking a combination of shocked and puzzled and saying something like, "Why ever would you say such a thing?"

Multiple Dwarf Syndrome: a state caused by the ups and downs of fertility treatments, characterized by describing oneself as some combination of grumpy, sleepy, dopey, bashful, etc; especially effective descriptor if you include what we like to call the "alternative dwarves," such as horny, bitchy, barfy, crampy, etc.

Petri dish: a womb with a view

Preconceived notion: the idea (before trying to get pregnant) that one will get pregnant within a month or two, three at the most.

Preggozone: the magnetic area around all infertile women that draws expectant mothers into close viewing range; the first day of any cycle has the greatest magnetic field, closely followed by any day on which an infertile womans fails a pregnancy test.

Pregsplotion: the sudden abundance of pregnant women in your vicinity within hours of your negative pregnancy test.

Prince Charming (or Hubble without a Choice): the name for a sweet husband who is infinitely patient and kind while you have Multiple Dwarf Syndrome.

Psycho-symptom-atic Syndrome: a psychosomatic condition afflicting women during the two-week waiting period; marked by a tendency to incorrectly attribute every bodily twinge and twitch to the early stages of pregnancy.

Reverse Pharmacology: taking Birth Control Pills in the month before your IVF.

Totsicles: frozen embryos waiting to be transferred.

Transfurryence: treating your pets like human babies.

There you go! And I just got a call from my husband. He just spoke to Dr. Sunshine and she said there was 1 embryo to freeze and it's beautiful! Woohoo! I forgot to give the whole embryo count down on transfer day. They retrieved 13 eggs, 11 were mature, 6 fertilized normally, 1 fertilized abnormally (our little freak show embryo, we hope to donate that one to a circus), 6 went on to the blastocyst stage, 2 were transferred and 1 has been frozen. Dr. Sunshine is, as usual, very positive, very excited, very hopeful. Pffffff... you'd think we hired her to be the freaking cheerleader for my embryos. Ok, I know, it's good to be positive, I shouldn't be negative, my two maybe babies may feel the negativity and run.


Brenda said...

Ha! I love the one about the abudance of pregnant women appearing all around you. Isn't that how life tortures us all by putting what we want in our line of vision!?

Stop being bored at work! You broke my boredom at work when I read your blog. I love you Ames.


MoMo said...

I love this, especially the petri dish! Congratulations on the one frostie! Yay! How are you doing with the 2ww?

sube said...

Yep, I definitely had the preconceived notion ... but that was a long time ago.

Congrats on your frostie. Hope the 2ww is treating you well.

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