Introducing Aislinn Madison!!!

Howie was going to update my blog but he has been very busy taking care of both of his girls. So here I am and here's the update.

As you know, my water broke around 7:20 pm or so on Sunday night. We called the doctor and the doula, both said that I should sleep and wait for the contractions to start. The waters were clear so I didn't have to go in right away, but the doctor said that if the water wasn't clear anymore or if I saw a LOT of blood then to go in to the hospital. I decided I'd take a shower before I tried sleeping because when my water broke it reeeeeeeally broke!!! I was covered in fluid and I have been told before that it may be a while before I can shower again so it's best to shower before leaving home. I took a shower and noticed that there was some blood. I didn't know if it was a lot or if it was normal but I knew I'd be more relaxed if we just went to the hospital. So we called the doula, grabbed all of our stuff and left for the hospital.



We arrived at the hospital at around 9:00 pm and I felt my first contraction somewhere around 10:00 pm. We walked around with the doula until around 11:00 pm and then the nurse hooked me up to the machine to monitor the baby and my contractions for a half hour. This is when Howie's parents and brother showed up to say hello before heading over to our house for the night. After the nurse took me off the monitor the doula, Howie and I all decided to rest as much as we could before my contractions got stronger and closer together. I slept on and off. I was having some really nasty acid reflux which was bothering me more than the contractions and kept me from getting more rest. Around midnight we all got up and started to walk the halls again. My contractions were about 10 minutes apart and were hurting a little bit more. After walking for a while I thought it would be nice to try using the birthing ball. While I rolled around on the ball the doula gave me a back massage. The contractions were getting much more intense but between them I was still in a pretty good mood.



When my contractions were about 7 to 5 minutes apart the nurse came back in to hook me up to the monitor. She also checked my cervix and told me that I was about 60% effaced and 1 cm dilated. I was pretty irritated that I was still just 1 cm dilated. Aislinn and I were both doing fine so after 30 minutes she took me off of it again. The contractions were getting pretty bad at that point so I decided to sit on a chair in the shower. I couldn't use the bath because my water had already broken. I was shaking uncontrollably so they covered me with blankets and we made the water as warm as we could. The shower helped with the contractions for about 15 minutes, after that the contractions were so bad that I decided I no longer wished to have a natural birth. I was in so much pain and I had hardly progressed. I thought about how unhappy I was while the contractions were 5 minutes apart, I couldn't imagine how I was going to deal with them when I didn't get a 5 minute break in between them. I was also exhausted and just wanted to sleep so that I'd have the energy to push when it was time. I did take into consideration that Aislinn could react badly to the epidural and that I could end up having a c-section in the end, but that could happen even if I didn't have the epidural so I told my doula that I was ready to call the anesthesiologist. While she was reminding me of why I wanted a natural birth and asking me one more time if I was sure that I wanted drugs I had another contraction. This is where it turns into one of those movies with the crazy woman in labor. I suddenly went crazy and told her that I wanted the fucking epidural because I was sick of the fucking contractions and I told Howie that he better tell the fucking nurse that I want the anesthesiologist right fucking now! At this point it was about 5:15 am. The nurse came in to get me hooked up to the machines and to put a port in. She told me that they had to get at least one bag of fluids into me before they were allowed to call the anesthesiologist. She was doing her best to find a vein but it's like I have no veins! Nobody can find one! She tried on both sides I think twice. Then she told me that she'd try to find this other person that could try to get my port in but if she couldn't find a vein we'd have to wait until 7:00 am when some sort of amazing vein wizard would be in. The thought of waiting until 7:00 am to have my port put in and then waiting to get through a bag of fluids before they call the anesthesiologist made me crazy. I begged her to find a vein, any vein, anywhere, just please put the fucking thing in and hook me up to some fucking fluids so that I could get the epidural. The next lady got it in and we were good to go. The anesthesiologist didn't show up until 7:00 am though because this girl across the hall had to have a c-section because she pushed for like 30 minutes and nothing seemed to work. We could hear her whole team of friends, family, nurses, and doctor yelling and coaching. I laid in the bed in intense pain completely shaking and it seemed that Aislinn's back was against my back which was giving me the worse back pain I have ever felt in my entire life.



When the anesthesiologist was there and prepping me for my epidural the shaking was pretty bad and he asked me if I could please get that under control. While he played with my spine I was doing my best to keep my uncontrollable shaking under control, manage the contraction, ignore the intense back pain, and breathe. I did it though, because it meant that soon there would be NO PAIN. It also meant that I wouldn't end up paralyzed. Within minutes I was numb and didn't even realize it. I had my next contraction and they asked me if I felt it. I had no idea I even had one! It was great! The doctor came in to check up on me. I was only 4 to 5 cm dilated so she decided that she was going to give me some pitocin to help things move along. After she left and the nurse was giving me the pitocin Howie and I made some calls to our family to update them on my lack of progress. At 8:00 am we all fell asleep and woke up around 10:00 am when I started to feel a little bit of pressure. The nurse checked me and I was about 7 or 8 cm dilated. I continued to try sleeping some more but around 10:30 am or so the pressure started to get really bad. Although I wasn't really feeling pain the pressure was pretty intense and I had to breathe through each contraction. I was feeling the urge to push but my doula told me not to push yet because if I pushed too early the tiny bit that was left of my cervix could swell up and prolong things. So she helped me with my breathing so that I could avoid pushing. Around 10:45 am the nurse came back to check on me and I told her that I really wanted to push but I was doing my best not to. She decided it was time to check my cervix again and sure enough I was ready to go! She told me I could start pushing with my next contraction. I was so excited because I was so sick of fighting the urge to push and was sure that pushing would actually feel better. Things suddenly started to happen, the doctor showed up and everyone started to help me push. The pain and pressure was amazing! Unbelievable! It scared the shit out of me, but I put my chin to my chest and pushed into my bottom like they said to. I told them when it was over that I didn't want to do that again, that I wasn't ready for her to come out of me or that I didn't want her to come out anymore. They were all pretty much like "it's too late for that, it's about to happen". The nurse told me that if I kept pushing like I just did that Aislinn would be out soon. Another contraction came along quickly and the doctor hadn't even put on her gloves yet. I pushed hard, just like they told me to push. I could feel her moving down through my pelvis and I could feel that she was really close to crowning or was crowning. I screamed at the end of that push because it hurt so much. The pain didn't really scare me or make me want to stop though, I wanted to push, I had to push. They all told me not to scream, only to push. I asked them if it had been a good push though, before I screamed and they all said that I was doing great. The doctor made a little joke that I was moving so fast that she wasn't sure she'd be able to get her gloves on. That's when I actually apologized for allowing things to move along so quickly. They all laughed and told me not to say sorry for that and the doctor said that it was actually very considerate of me to push so well or something. I clearly watch too many of those baby shows and was expecting to push out the baby's head and then maybe be told not to push because maybe the cord would be around her neck or something and then be told to push another couple of times. Who knows, but I wasn't sure that she was even close enough yet, maybe I'd have to push some more to get the baby to move down and out. I pushed again as hard as I could right through to my bottom and I definitely felt her crowning. The doctor told me to push again and I said, "Really? I don't feel like I have to push right now. Are you sure I should push now?" and she told me that she wanted me to push right then, so I gave her another really hard push and I felt all of this stretching, pressure and then relief. It did kind of hurt though and it was such a surprise that I shouted "What the fuck was that?!" and they told me that she was out and placed her on top of me. I instantly felt guilty that one of the first words my daughter heard out of my mouth was the "F Word". I actually said to everyone that I can't believe that's the first thing she heard me say and the nurse told me that it was ok, that it was the first word her baby heard her say too. I looked down at my baby girl laying on top of me and everything was just so surreal. I couldn't believe I was looking at MY baby. I put one hand on her head and the other on her body and said hello to her and told her that I was her mommy. The whole world suddenly seemed so different and it was so hard for me to completely wrap my head around the fact that she was actually my baby.



They took her to a little table off to the side of my bed to assess her. Howie and the doula disappeared to take a closer look at her while my doctor and the nurse were collecting the cord blood for the cord blood registry, delivering my placenta and stitching me up. Everyone kept telling me what a good job I did, that I pushed so well. I laughed and joked around with the doctor and nurse while trying to get a glimpse of my daughter past the crowd of people surrounding her. Howie and the doula took turns coming over to me to tell me that she looked great, that she wasn't a dwarf, she was healthy, and to show me pictures. After a few moments they brought her over to me. Her eyes were wide open and she was very aware. Howie and I spoke to her and she looked at us both like she knew that she had heard our voices before. After I was stitched up and all was done the doula said goodbye and the room emptied out so that Howie and I could spend some time alone with Aislinn. We were both instantly in love with her and just took it all in. Every moment with her since then has been perfect. I don't think either of us have ever been this happy in our lives. We have a family! Our own little family!

So, here she is, all cleaned up and perfect! Introducing Aislinn Madison born on January, 29th 2007 at 11:03 am weighing in at 6 lbs. 10.6 oz and measuring 19 1/4 inches in length.

Holy Shit!!! This is it!!!

Yes, no fucking joke! My water just came gushing out. We were sitting on the couch and I felt a pop and then a trickle and then I jumped up screaming "OH MY GOD!!! MY WATER BROKE!" as I ran across the living room with water gushing out of me. Howie jumped up and told me that it was ok. Everything suddenly became real and I realized, I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY FOR REAL. I'M GOING TO GO INTO LABOR, PUSH A BABY OUT AND COME HOME WITH A BABY! It's seriously real right now. Seriously real! It's a little bit scary and exciting. Scary though, because I'm going to push a baby out of me, maybe, who knows. But she's coming. Ok, that's it. I need to go sleep. That's what my doula said, sleep!

Howie will update once our little baby has arrived! OUR BABY!!! OH MY GOD!!!

Coming Soon?

Well, I guess no matter what Aislinn is coming soon, but my blood pressure was a tad high when I went in for my non-stress test today. 140/90. They didn't find any protein in my urine so right now there's no reason for me to be admitted to the hospital. Because of my family history they decided to have me do a 24 hour urine test starting tomorrow. I have a lovely jug that I will begin peeing in tomorrow morning. On Monday morning I will go in for some blood tests and drop off my jug o' pee before I have my last (I hope) biophysical ultrasound. The doctor will hopefully have the test results by the end of the day on Monday or early on Tuesday. If I have preeclampsia I will of course then be admitted to the hospital and have labor induced.

Other than that, Aislinn looks good! She was very responsive during the NST, as usual. The doctor was very happy with that. Now it's just a matter of time. One way or another we'll see her soon.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my last blog. It helps to get opinions from others who are not directly involved. I think that it would be best to let Aislinn come whenever she wants and only induce if the doctor feels it's necessary, which may happen early next week anyway.

No Baby Yet

Nope, no baby. Two days ago I lost a big glob of goo which I assume was my mucus plug and that the blood that I had a week or so back was not exactly a mucus plug but still called bloody show, I don't know. I thought it was all the same thing but whatever. As long as they are signs that she's aware that she needs to vacate at some point soon that's just fine. Braxton Hicks? They are really starting to fucking hurt now. They will be coming along consistently for an hour or two and then just flat out stop. A couple of days ago I fell asleep on the couch, and when I say sleep I mean coma sleep where almost nothing can wake you up, and I began having some really hardcore contractions that would wake me up but I was still too tired to look at the clock and time them. I'd fall right back to sleep. Finally I did wake up after one of them hurt like a wicked bitch and that's when I freaked out that maybe the contractions had become closer together and more intense and I was pissed at myself for being so tired I that I didn't wake up to pay any attention to what was going on when they began. So, I called Howie to tell him that I think the contractions were possibly maybe realish because they REALLY hurt even when I changed positions and started to walk around. I started to time them, they were about 10 minutes apart for almost an hour and then they stopped. It was a good fire drill but certainly wasn't the real thing.

Howie and I are doing what we can to move things along. We've had sex, which resulted in Aislinn getting into a really uncomfortable position where she was putting pressure on a nerve that sent this awful shooting pain right down through to my urethra. So, Plan B is to just do that thing that you do when you're alone... or with your man, however you like to do that. Just no sex! Usually that just causes one massive contraction and nothing else, but I'll keep trying. At least it's fun. A couple of times I've had some strong coffee, I guess it's possible that the caffeine could cause labor, but so far I think it has only changed her sleeping pattern. If I weren't so damn tired almost 85% of the day then I'd probably walk from here to FL trying to induce labor, but everything I read says that being really tired is normal and to just sleep as much as possible right now because if I were to go into labor I'd need my energy. That's no joke because after some of the hardcore contractions I've had I've felt super tired. It wears you out! I've been rolling around on my birthing ball hoping that it will help me dilate. My next plan is garlic! People say that spicy food sometimes works, another old wives tale, and I know that garlic isn't the spiciest food in the world but it gets her moving when I do eat it and with the amount of acid reflux that I have been experiencing I don't think I could handle any Mexican food. My doula suggested that we make plans for her due date because babies tend to come when you have something you need to do and if she doesn't come at least we are doing something fun with our night rather than sitting at home obsessing about how she's due and still not here. The 31st is not only her due date but PAY DAY!!! So, Howie and I will head over to The Melting Pot and have some VERY GARLICKY cheese fondue, and then of course the rest of the super fabulous Melting Pot meal. Mmmmmmm! I also have a coupon for free chocolate fondue, which I am REALLY looking forward to. If the garlic doesn't get labor started (which it probably won't) I will spend all of the next morning before heading of to the doctor running up and down the stairs, maybe take a brisk walk around the complex. I don't know that any of this is going to work. It probably won't, she's going to come when she wants to come.

Here's the issue, and it shouldn't be an issue but it is. My brother is coming to visit from February 1st to the 5th. On the 5th he flies back to VA and then the military is sending him away for 2 1/2 years on the 7th. He's not going to be in a seriously dangerous location or doing anything seriously dangerous, so it's not that I'm so much worried about him never coming home just that he won't be back for 2 1/2 years. I love my brother, I do, because he's my brother and once upon a time we were really close. Now, well, he thinks we're close because I give him less shit than our sister does. See, my brother is the Prodigal Son. He wasn't always a self centered jerk, well, it wasn't always this bad and I guess that he is this bad because my mother has made him the Prodigal Son. I don't want to lay it all on her because I love her and I know that she loves all of us, I think that she just makes a huge deal about him because he's so distant (emotionally and physically) and now he's turned into this jackass! Here's some background on the situation. Every year my mom writes this Christmas letter to everyone she knows to update them on the family. The letter is pretty much all about my brother, we'll just call him PS for Prodigal Son. In the letter she'll go on and on about all of PS's yearly achievements and the few times that my sister, S, and I are mentioned it's tied in with a PS statement. For example one year I was mentioned twice. Once because PS bought me a t-shirt while away in another country, and then again because I went to visit him in DC during the summer. By the way, I wasn't visiting DC to see PS that summer, I wanted to visit because Howie was his roomie and I hadn't seen Howie in a year! My sister was only mentioned once because she received a t-shirt but didn't visit him in DC. That year my sister became the director for this private school and it was a big deal for her, but my mother forgot about that. Everyone ALWAYS travels to DC for every single event in my brother's life, but when my sister gave birth to our niece he couldn't take time off to see her. I was in the middle of an IVF cycle and begged my doctor to let me leave for 48 hours without any monitoring so that I could see my niece, my brother wasn't doing anything, he just didn't want to use any leave. He has plenty of leave by the way. Two months after our niece, J, was born my brother was receiving his masters and his graduation was in RI. He was given about 4 or 5 days of leave, he could have made the hour and a half trip from RI to CT to see J, but instead he wanted S to bring J to RI because he didn't want to waste his time driving to and from CT. If she hadn't brought J to RI he wouldn't have seen her until he came to visit right at the end of December. She's about 9 months old and he's only seen her twice. In the past 9 months family has gone out of their way to visit him for various events he feels are important about 4 or 5 times. When he was here at the end of December and beginning of January he stayed at my house for two nights. Howie and I drove up to Northern CT to have dinner with the whole family and bring my brother back to our house. So, the first night we got home kind of late, about 10:00 pm. PS and his girlfriend, JB, were planning on heading to NYC early the next morning. JB went to bed almost right away and PS stayed up until about 1:00 or 2:00 am playing some stupid computer game. He wanted me to get up at 7:00 am to wake them up, which I did. JB got up right away to shower and get dressed. JB didn't roll out of bed until 10:00 am, then showered and got dressed. Howie and I were planning on taking them out for Mexican food, their favorite food, that night because it was the ONLY night we were all going to be able to go out alone together. When Howie and I dropped them off at the train my brother made a comment that he was thinking of doing this and that so they would probably not be back until 8:30 or 9:00 pm. Howie was a kind of irritated by this and said that he didn't want to eat that late and didn't want me to eat that late either. Honestly, I could have had two dinners, I normally do anyway, but it was just that my brother was thinking of himself rather than others that pissed Howie off. So, JB said no, that they would be back around 6:30 or 7:00 pm like they had planned. PS said "well, we'll see" and got out of the car. Around 5:00 pm my brother called to bitch about how he and JB had been fighting all day about the time they were coming back and that he's pissed off that he has to leave NYC before he's ready to because JB said that he was being inconsiderate of others. He said that this is the last time he'll be able to go to NYC for 2 1/2 years and he doesn't want to hear anyone tell him that he's being selfish again for the rest of his trip. This just pissed me off and it kind of hurt me to hear that. He was more upset about the fact that he wasn't going to see NYC for 2 1/2 years than the fact that if he didn't come home for dinner it would be the last time he can sit down for dinner with Howie and I for the next 2 1/2 years. Why does NYC rank higher than me? So I told him never mind, just stay in NYC, eating dinner together wasn't a big deal. I didn't want to eat dinner with him anymore if it pisses him off so much to eat with me. He said that he couldn't stay in NYC because JB had given him so much shit that he was just sick of being there. So it was already ruined for him. When we went out for dinner I think Howie and I were the only ones really talking. It wasn't worth it. Before he left to go back to VA he was 100% different. He was being all wishy washy about how this could be the last time he sees me before I become a mother. He came back to give me a hug twice before he left and even kissed my belly to say goodbye to the baby. WTF is that? He's been calling me every day to see how I am and trying to be all sweet to me, but honestly, I know that he's just hoping that I have the baby before he leaves. Not so that he can see her but because he has bought a ticket to visit from February 1st to the 5th, because my mom is worried that he won't see the baby before he goes. Maybe a piece of him really truly does want to see my baby. I'd like to believe that he cares because he and I were really close when we were younger and he used to be a really loving and protective big brother. I just don't know which person I'm dealing with anymore. I do know that regardless of how he feels about me I still love him and maybe that's because I still remember the old PS. So, the issue is, do I ask the doctor when I see her on Friday how long they'll let me go before they want to induce labor, and if she says January 6th do I ask if they could induce earlier so that my brother can see the baby? This is the guy that puts NYC before me. I really wanted my birth to happen with as little medical intervention as possible, and if I'm induced that may not happen. It could, maybe not, but could change the type of birth I end up having. Plus, I kind of want Aislinn to decide when her birthday is, not my brother. Even if my brother wasn't going away for 2 1/2 years, how often would he come and see her anyway? She might see him about 4 times, maybe 3, in that time if he was in the US. Plus, I can just see the stupid Christmas letter now, "Amy had labor induced so that PS could see Aislinn before he went away for 2 1/2 years"! My daughter's birth will be announced in the letter because of my brother! I HATE the thought of that. However, if the doctor is going to induce me close to the date that he'd be flying out and I'd give birth to her a day later then it is kind of silly that we held off one day just because my brother is a self centered jerk. I just hate the thought of inducing labor for my brother because the whole world revolves around him. I mean, my sister held off on dedicating her daughter to the church for nearly 9 months because that was when my brother would be in town, because he wouldn't have come in just for that. I almost want to wait one more day so that the induction is done because my doctor says it's time and not so that it's good timing for my brother. It's not like he'll never see her, he'll see her when she's 2 1/2 years old, or 3, whenever he gets around to seeing her after he returns. Even if he sees her when she's a day old, she's not going to remember him any better when she finally does see him again. I don't know what to do. I have no idea what I want. Any thoughts?

Week 38!!

38 weeks and 1 day today! 13 days to go... hopefully no more. Who knows. Clearly the Neonatologist felt that it would be unnecessary to induce me on Tuesday. We're going to just let Aislinn come out whenever she decides it's time... which I hope isn't too much longer. I'd like to have at least one more childless weekend with my husband, so if she'd like to make her way out sometime on Sunday afternoon that would be fine.

I had a lot of funky discharge on Tuesday. It seemed more watery than it did mucusy but I didn't feel any actual leaking so I didn't think my water had broken because I was sure that it would have been obvious. It also kind of smelled nasty. Gross!!! So around 1:00 AM Howie made me call my doctor because he felt that it was possible that my water had broken, although Dr. Google said that if it was my water it wouldn't smell bad. The doctor pretty much said the same thing, it shouldn't smell bad, but she'd have me come in to the office in the morning. So, I went in and all three tests that they do to find out if your water has broken were negative. She thinks that I might have a yeast infection because of the funky odor. Last time I had a yeast infection the discharge wasn't so watery, but what the hell do I know. She took a swab to send to the lab. She also did a pelvic exam to find out if I had started to dilate yet (fun!!) and it appears that I have dilated 1 cm. Woohooo! I wish it were more like 4 cm and that I was in labor. I kind of felt let down that it was a whole lot of nothing and that I had to go home and continue to wait for something to happen.

So sometime around 12:30 AM I started cramping. These cramps seemed to come along every 8 minutes. I think I had timed about 4 or 5 of them before falling asleep. When I woke up this morning around 5:15 or so, maybe it was earlier, the cramping/contractions (???) were 3 minutes apart. It seemed odd to me that they were so consistent yet no more painful than they were when I fell asleep last night. Howie wanted me to call my doctor and was rather upset with me when I said that I wouldn't call. I mean, I woke my doctor up early Wednesday morning because I might have a yeast infection. I'd feel silly going in to the office or hospital to be hooked up to a machine that would show how pathetic my "contractions" really are and then be sent home again without a baby. I've had stronger menstrual cramps when my body is only trying to expel uterine lining, I would imagine that if my "contractions" were 3 minutes apart that it would be much more painful than they were. I didn't even have trouble chatting casually during them, my husband wouldn't have even known that I was having them if I hadn't told him. Howie and I got up and took a shower. The stupid plug in the tub doesn't work so I can't take a bath like my doula suggested trying if I'm not sure if I am having false or real labor. I was hoping that taking a warm shower would relax my body and stop the contractions if they weren't real the same way that taking a bath would. I had maybe 3 contractions while in the shower and had Howie time them for me. When I got out I only had 1 more contraction and that was it. So, it seems that it was false labor. The contractions are beginning again right now though, and are slightly more intense. If I go into labor I'll be sure to let you know, but I doubt that this baby is coming out any time soon. I feel kind of silly because I'm waiting for my body to do something and I'm not exactly sure what it's going to be like. Doctors never want you to self diagnose anything, but when it comes to labor you kind of have to. At this point I'm over analyzing EVERYTHING and I don't want to be like the boy who cried wolf. It's silly, and I'm hoping that when it's real I'll be sure that it's real. Whatever, I think that eventually this baby will come out by force rather than by choice, but we'll see.

Anyway, last night Howie and I finished up the baby's room. I put all the larger sized clothes into space saving bags and then into a big plastic tub. We have a rather large space saving bag for 3-6 month clothing, and smaller bags for the 6-9, 9-12, and 12-18 month clothing. As for clothes that she can wear immediately, we went from having almost nothing to having lots of clothes. Very nice! The closet and nearly the entire dresser are filled! I spent about 30 hours this week sketching and painting two pictures for Aislinn's room. They're ok, I'm not Monet or anything. The pictures are a little over simplified and sort of lame, but I made them for my baby. I don't know how I feel about how they look in there, but Howie seems to really love them. One is of sheep jumping a fence which we hung by the glider and night stand. The other is of the Hey Diddle Diddle nursery rhyme. There is a square for each character from the nursery rhyme and the words to the nursery rhyme are there too. We hung that one above the bookshelf. We hung up the cute letters that Howie bought to spell out Aislinn's name above the crib and the Celtic cross that my aunt gave us is hanging above the changing table/dresser. I know, kind of confusing, a Jewish baby with and Irish name and Celtic cross. Well, she is an Irish Jew so whatever. The Celtic cross is more of a symbol of her heritage and that's just fine for us. It goes along with her very Irish name. Anyway... moving on. We picked up the cushions for the glider that we had re-upholstered so that they went along with the room better. I love them! So, I will go ahead and post those pictures for you now that the room is complete.

Spotting???

Not huge news really, but I woke up this morning around 6:40 am to pee. I felt more pressure in my neather regions than I usually do. I already determined about a week or so ago that the baby had dropped because I can breathe better, eat full meals, and I look like I'm carrying lower. Since then there has been a tad more pelvic discomfort, but not really pressure like I was feeling this morning. I checked the toilet paper when I wiped and saw some blood. It was a bit dark with just the little night light in the bathroom, but I yelled "WHAT??" and turned on the light. Not much blood in the toilet and nothing that looked mucusy exactly but I still figured it might have something to do with the mucus plug or my cervix thinning out. I walked out of the bathroom and said "Howie! I'm having some bleeding, not bad bleeding, I think good bleeding." Whatever that means. He was trying to wake up and understand what was happening and I said, "I think it might have to do with the mucus plug or something, I don't know." He jumped up and shouted "WHAT???" like it was time to go to the hospital. I reminded him that the doula and everyone else said that you could lose your mucus plug either right before you go into labor or two weeks before you go into labor, it doesn't definately mean anything. Then I noticed some cramping and I said, "but I feel a lot of pressure and some cramping." Lately I've been wearing just shorts to bed, no underware, but I decided this time that I should wear some underware and a pad just in case. With the cramps and all that pressure I was feeling I asked Howie, "Well, what should I do? Shower? Sleep? People say to do both, which do I do?" He told me to lay back down and try to get some rest. I looked around our messy bedroom and thought about how Howie had just torn down the wallpaper in our bathroom so that he can paint before Tuesday when we thought I could possibly be induced. I asked if maybe I should do some cleaning. He told me no that he'd take care of that. So, I did lay back down in bed and Howie cuddled up with my belly and started to talk to Aislinn hoping that she'd start to move around for us, which she did. The cramping I had been having had stopped for about 10 minutes and then started again. It felt different from the Braxton Hicks contractions, so I wasn't sure if that's what real contractions felt like. I had also started to shake and shiver, but I have no clue what all of that was about. I wasn't cold at all, it was just uncontrollable. One thing I thought was odd was that Aislinn's movements kind of hurt and would make me jump. I obsessed for a few minutes about some things that we had to do around the house before we go to the hospital IF this was labor and then fell back to sleep. We woke up around 11:30 am and I felt fine. A rather boring story, huh? I told my mother about what had happened and she said the same thing happened to her a few days before I was born, so maybe I won't have to be induced. Who knows, it could be nothing and even if it is something it could still take two more weeks and by then I could already have her because the Neonatologist may want to induce me on Tuesday. We'll see.

We continued to prepare for Aislinn's arrival today. We went to Home Depot to buy a new light for the upstairs bathroom and some decorative hooks to hang the letters that spell Aislinn's name that we bought a week ago. We also decided to buy a new light for above the sink in the kitchen. We already have a couple of other lights at home that we have to hang, but Howie is pretty quick about that so I'm sure they'll all be up by Tuesday unless Aislinn arrives before then. Howie finished painting the bathroom and it looks SOOOOOOOOO much better now. We went grocery shopping after we went to Home Depot so that we could buy ingredients for lasagna and noodle kugel. I will make both tomorrow and then pack them away in the freezer so that we have easy to make dinners after we bring Aislinn home. While Howie was painting the bathroom I cleaned the fridge, freezer, dishes, and laundry. After Howie finished painting the bathroom he came downstairs and said that he cleaned the downstairs bathroom. I don't know, I haven't checked, but I trust him. I'm honestly more concerned about the dust bunnies behind the door in the bedroom that we ALWAYS forget to vacuum up. I swear, I'll get to that this week.

Our glider was delivered on Friday. We had ordered a glider from Pottery Barn Kids sometime around Thanksgiving. They kept pushing the delivery date back because they had the glider on backorder. After changing the delivery date two times they decided to cancel our order all together and said we'd have to reorder. That was about three weeks ago. Even if we reordered the glider it wouldn't arrive until two to three weeks after Aislinn is due. So, instead we started hunting for gliders in our area. For some reason it's difficult to get a glider that has a cushion in ANY color other than brown on short notice. We ended up buying a glider with a shit brown cushion at this store that is going out of business. The glider was half off and didn't have a foot stool to go with it. Although the cushion was the ugliest shade of brown I had ever seen it was really comfortable. I could easily sleep in this chair. We thought about the missing foot stool and realized that we have a tiny stool at home with a cute needle point rose design that my great aunt had made. The colors were close to the colors in the rug we have in Aislinn's room. We decided to buy the glider with the ugly cushion and just have it recovered at an upholstery shop. First thing Saturday morning we brought the cushions to an upholster place nearby. The cute old man told us that it would take a week to do it, which was fine with us. Today we went in to give the upholstery guy a down payment because his credit card machine wasn't working and he had already finished one cover and was just about finished with the second. He told us that we could pick it up tomorrow!! How completely perfect is that? It looked pretty good so far so we're quite happy.

One last thing I did today was start sketching the pictures I wanted to paint for Aislinn's room. One is sheep jumping over fences and the other was going to be a cow jumping over the moon. I realized that I have absolutely no skill when it comes to drawing cows. The sheep were just fine, but cows? No way. I'll have to come up with something else. I'm not exactly sure what I'll decide on but by the end of the day tomorrow I will have two pictures painted and hopefully hanging in Aislinn's room. At that point everything will be completely finished and ready for her to arrive. Well, we will need to do some basic cleaning around the house, but for the most part things are looking pretty good. I've even had some time here and there to nap. And believe me, I've REALLY needed to nap A LOT!

Hopefully my next blog post will be more exciting, but we shall see. In the meantime I hope to catch up on some of your blogs before I become a Mommy.

Holy Shit!!

I had my second non-stress test today. When Dr. Hot Stuff came in to check on Aislinn's heartbeat she asked if I had talked to the Neonatologist when I went in for my last ultrasound at the hospital. I told her that I had and she asked if she had mentioned anything to me about wanting to induce labor. I was rather shocked and told her no. She told me that although Aislinn looks like she's pretty healthy she's not gaining too much weight so she'd like to move my repeat growth scan at the hospital up so that she can decide if they should induce labor next week! Can you believe that? Next week I could be holding my baby girl in my arms! Holy crap! I feel ok about it if they do because she is healthy, her lungs look good, her heart looks good, she's very active. All is good as far as we can tell except she isn't gaining much weight. So, whatever happens happens. We're ready.

During my ultrasound at my OB/GYN's office on Monday I asked if they could show me what she looks like in 3D since they have the 3D ultrasound machine. She looks sooooooooooo cute! I already suspected that and I also suspected that she looked just like her daddy. I was right! She looks just like Howie! I can't wait to see her on the outside!

Dwarfism???

Howie and I had an ultrasound at the hospital last Wednesday. Everything seemed to be fine. They listened to the blood flowing through my umbilical cord, placenta looks good, baby is active, fluid level is just as it should be. It looked like my body was doing it's job and she is getting what she needs from me. She's just a small baby. Then the ultrasound tech measured her limbs and asked us if I had a first trimester screening. I said that I did and that everything seemed to be fine. She kept looking through my file and said that she didn't have a copy of it. So, she got up and said that she was going to have the doctor come in and aparently also call my OB/GYN office to have them fax over my first trimester screening. Before the doctor came in the ultrasound tech came in and out a few times kinda acting a bit weird which started to make us nervous. Finally the ultrasound tech returned with a doctor. The doctor asked us about the IVF and why we had trouble conceiving. She asked if we had any genetic abnormalities in our families. We told her that Howie's side has Tay-Sachs and Familial Dysautonomia on his side, but he is only a carier of Familial Dysautonomia. I told her that I didn't have anything on my side. She then asked us if the OB/GYN told us why I was having an ultrasound there at the hospital. I told her that I thought it was because the baby seemed small. She looked surprised and she said it was because of Aislinn's short limbs. I know they mentioned she had short limbs but I thought that they were more worried about her overall size. The doctor and the ultrasound tech then looked at the measurements and I heard them say that her limbs were measuring at or below the 5th percentile. They didn't really say much to us, the doctor just started to measure everything again. The ultrasound tech left the room a couple of times looking for the fax of my records. A few moments later someone brought them in to her. She looked through them and said that the tests showed that we were at low risk for Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18. Howie asked if either were a concern at the moment and she quickly said "NO NO NO! We just like to double check that." We sat there quietly while they remeasured and checked her organs. They said that she has a really nice looking heart and kidneys. They also said that her top lip looks good, so does her head and bones. They finally finished and told us that because her arms and legs are so small there is a chance that Aislinn may have Achondroplasia Dwarfism. The size of her limbs are the only reason they can't rule it out, but she does not have any of the other signs of dwarfism. They asked me to return for a repeat growth scan on January 19th to see how her limbs are growing, but we may not know if she has dwarfism until she's born. Of course I will love her no matter what happens but it was hard to take at first. Not because I'd love her any less, I just never expected that. On Friday we met with my OB/GYN to go over the ultrasound results and she seemed less concerned. She told us that she wouldn't tell us not to worry or that it's not possible, but they are usually very cautious and want to prepare parents for the worst. It is very possible that Aislinn is just small and has my genes. My father, sister, brother, and I all have rather short limbs, but it's not dwarfism. It's just the way we are. Even petite size pants are too long on me and my sister and I noticed how long sleeves on us usually go all the way to our nuckles. I'm thinking she's probably just fine but I'm glad they are preparing us because if she does have dwarfism we won't be surprised by it.

My OB/GYN did say that this means I need to go in once a week for an ultrasound, once a week for a non-stress test, and once a week for my regular weekly visit. That's THREE appointments a week until I have the baby. That's ok though, it's all just to make sure that she's ok so that's fine with me. I have a bio-physical profile ultrasound in a couple of hours. It's nice to see her so often, I just wish it wasn't necessary.

You have gestational diabetes... JUST KIDDING!!!

Yes, that's right! No joke! The endocrinologist had my blood drawn at my last appointment to have some tests done and it appears that my blood glucose levels have been so good for the past four weeks because I DON'T HAVE GESTATIONAL DIABETES AFTER ALL!!! It's gone! Seriously! So instead of losing 3 lbs. I could have been gaining weight, but it was so much more fun to avoid carbs and fast for 2 hours at a time. Wooohooooo! Perhaps it would have been best for me to do the 3 hour glucose test BEFORE they sent me to the endocrinologist. Oh well, I have been feasting on carbs all day and if feels great. I no longer feel deprived. I'm full and healthy and it's so wonderful to eat again!!! Tomorrow morning I'm going to have french toast and sausage for breakfast with a huge glass of juice and a cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream. SWEET!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!!

My Very Tiny Baby

On Monday I went to the endocrinologist to discuss my gestational diabetes. She looked at my diet records that show what I'm eating and my blood sugar levels. She said that my levels look so good that I can stop fasting for two hours between meals! Woohooooo! More food! I can also test just two times a day if I feel like it. Even better! Because I had lost weight on the low carb diet that she put me on she asked if I had been hungry. I wasn't too hungry at first, but you can all see from my last post that in the past couple of weeks I had been. I was sneaking in an extra meal at the end of the day before bed because I was just so freaking hungry! So, I told her yes, that fasting for two hours was too much so I was really happy that I didn't have to anymore. She said that she didn't want the diet to make me lose weight so if I'm hungry to just eat. Thank you!!!

On Wednesday I had an appointment with my OB/GYN, Dr. Talks-to-Much. She was pleased that my blood sugar levels were so good. We discussed my birth plan and she felt that pretty much all of it was fine. She even told me that if my water hadn't broken or hadn't been broken for too long and the waters were clear then I could stay at home until my contractions were 3 minutes apart since Howie and I live so close to the hospital. YAY!!! I was quite excited about that but the idea of waiting until they're 3 minutes apart makes Howie a bit nervous. We'll see how it goes. Before the appointment was over Dr. Talks-to-Much decided that we should move my ultrasound up so that we could see if Aislinn was growing too large because of my gestational diabetes. Luckily they had an opening for 1 pm on Thursday (yesterday). I took it and called Howie to let him know about the change so that he could talk to his boss.

Howie got the day off. We were quite excited about seeing the baby again and figured that since Aislinn measured just a little bit small last time that she probably wouldn't have grown too big from the gestational diabetes. The ultrasound tech did all the measurements and said that Aislinn was measuring small, quite small. I figured, ok, that's fine. That's so much better than a huge baby and I was glad that the gestational diabetes didn't hurt her. I told her that Howie was 6 lbs. 10 oz. and I was 7 lbs. 3 oz. at birth. Then she told us that Aislinn's legs and arms were measuring at about 30 weeks and her head and body were measuring at about 34 weeks. Huh? Tiny limbs? What the hell does that mean? She asked how tall Howie and I were a few times and she said that sometimes the baby gets different pieces of each parents so that it may not be a problem. Images of tiny chicken wing arms were whirling around my head and I'm just thinking of how I had huge Hobbit feet when I was little so I wonder if she'll have huge feet attached to her tiny legs. What else can I pass along? My buck teeth? My freckles? Maybe she'll have two different colored eyes like my father! Sure, I think that my father's two different colored eyes are super cool but he is very sensitive about people noticing them. Anyway, then the ultrasound tech told us that she weighs about 4 lbs. 9 oz. right now. She checked the computer and that puts Aislinn in the 15th percentile. She seemed a bit concerned but wasn't saying much because she can't, she's not the doctor. We left the office a bit concerned but I wasn't freaking out too much. I started to wonder if other things were slowly developing too, like her brain? It was lunch time and I decided, maybe a carb fest would help her grow. Maybe a trip to McDonalds? Maybe this low carb diet that made me lose weight wasn't helping her? On the way home we called our parents to tell them about the ultrasound. Howie's cell phone was pretty loud and I could hear his mother say that maybe the baby is small because I'm starving myself and now I can stop doing that. My mouth dropped open. What the fuck?! By the damn way, on Sunday we were at his parent's house for Chanukkah and except for a few veggies and a block of cheese there wasn't a thing there that wasn't LOADED with carbs. I had some veggies, water, and one potato pancake during the 5 hours we were there. Once people left they took out the brisket and let me eat. They did say sorry that their friends stayed so long and they had intended on feeding me earlier. So, who is she to say that I STARVE myself? I HAD NOTHING TO EAT!!! Anyway, it really hit me. I had been losing weight, yeah, I may eat 2 steaks at dinner, I may have been sneaking in an extra meal at the end of the day, but I couldn't gain weight. I lost 3 lbs. This could be because of my weight. It could be because I'm still not up to my pre-pregnancy weight. What if it's not just her legs and arms? What if her brain isn't developed enough? What is she has a learning disability because I lost weight even though I wasn't even trying to. I was eating as much as I could, but I was eating the way the doctor told me to eat. I thought I was doing the right thing for her, I thought that because I was eating healthfully that she would be a healthy baby. She hasn't been born yet but I'm already a horrible mother! By the time Howie had hung up with his mother I was in tears. He told me that I didn't do anything wrong, that she didn't know what she was talking about and just forget what she said. How can I forget that? It's my worst fear, any mother's worst fear, did I do something to harm my child? If she isn't right it's MY fault. We tried for two years to have a baby and I might have totally fucked her up? All I had to do was keep the baby alive inside of me, make her healthy, and I couldn't. I couldn't get pregnant and I couldn't grow a baby properly. Howie ended up talking to his mother and father about the comment and then it turned into an entire drama. Basically she said she never would imply that it was my fault. I didn't know that it had to be implied, she said it right out, but ok. His parents are upset because we should know that they would never think that we've done something to harm our child, that they love us and all of this stuff. Whatever, I know they love us, I know they love Aislinn, I just wanted an apology. I wanted her to say sorry for making an incredibly insensitive comment and that she will think before she speaks next time. I'm not trying to be a bitch, but what if someone said something like that to her? She'd be extremely hurt. Anyway, it's not about that anymore. Her pity party continues but I'm more concerned with Aislinn's health at the moment. A little after Howie and I got home after the ultrasound we got a call from the doctor's office. They scheduled an ultrasound for me at the hospital on the 27th because they are concerned about the baby being so small. I also have another appointment next week with one of the doctors to discuss the ultrasounds. So, I guess I'm pretty much seeing the doctors on a weekly basis starting now rather than in two weeks. I was bad and looked up info on babies that are small for gestational age (SGA babies). In some cases they end up totally normal, others have some retardation and some die. I'm trying to keep it together right now. I spoke to my mother and she pointed out that my dad has small arms and legs too, and he is totally normal. He doesn't even look oddly shaped to me. Maybe for a girl, but I'll take oddly shaped over retarded or dead. Then she asked me if I wear petite pants and I realize, duh, yes I do and even then the petite pants are sometimes still too long for me. So, I have freaky short legs and didn't even take notice. I don't know if my arms are short, I guess my mom only noticed that my dad's arms are short because she has to buy him shirts. Women's shirts don't have an arm length, but I guess that in general they are a bit long on me. So, perhaps Aislinn was just unfortunate enough to get tiny limbs from my gene pool. If that's the worst thing she gets we're in pretty good shape. As for her low weight, like we told the ultrasound tech, Howie was a pretty tiny baby, especially for a boy, and he's perfect. Well, I think he's perfect. So, right now I'm thinking that she's going to be fine, that it's just our genetics and thanks to that she'll be easy to push out. Right? She's going to be perfect, beautiful and smart. No matter what she's like I love her and nothing else matters.

I'M HUUUUUUUUUUUNGRY!!!!

OMFG!!!! In 6 minutes I can finally test my blood sugar level. This whole fasting for 2 fucking hours when pregnant is bullshit. I'm chugging water to try to fill up my belly but SERIOUSLY!!! ALL THAT DOES IS CREATE A VERY SLOSHY ANGRY SEA IN MY BELLY AS MY DAUGHTER BEATS MY BELLY LIKE IT'S A DRUM AND RAMS HER HEAD INTO MY CERVIX! I feel sea sick! I'm so hungry that I'm dizzy and disoriented and I'm posting so that I can do something other than watch the clock while waiting to do my stupid ass blood test. At the moment my husband is enjoying somebody's birthday cake at work. All I can say is FUCK PEOPLE WHO CAN EAT CAKE!!! Sorry to all of you who eat cake, but I'm having a bad moment, I'm not myself right now. Ugh! All I want to do is eat ALL THE TIME now, and I can't. I have to eat a little and wait freaking 2 hours and then eat and then wait 2 hours. This waiting 2 hours thing is bullshit. I want to eat when I want to eat. I hope that she isn't born a minute past 6 weeks and 6 days because I look forward to the moment that I can start eating whenever I want again. Not only WHENEVER I want but I can eat WHATEVER I want. Yes, CAAAAAAAAARRRRRRBBBBBSSSSSSSSSS!!!! Seriously! But right now it's not even a carb problem because I'm dreaming about eating a large glazed ham, beef brisket, rotisserie chicken, and a very large turkey... ok... with A LOT OF STUFFING. I guess I do want carbs. After I eat all of those animals I'd like to have an entire package of Oreos or Soft Batch chocolate chip cookies and a gallon of milk. Instead I'm going to go have some boring salad and a burger with a low carb bun.

Thanks for helping me pass the time! Later!

Seven Weeks to Go!

Not much has changed since last week. We received the nightstand and bookshelf. Howie put the bookshelf together the day we got it and then we rearranged the nursery. We also bought a curtain rod for the window, more clothes, mattress, mattress pad, boppy, monitor, and a diaper champ for the living room. All we need now is the glider and curtains.

On Sunday we put the playard together. There's a place for me to hook up my iPod. We have it fully stocked with diapers, diaper rash cream, wipes, and onesies. We finally bought me some pajamas, nursing bras, a robe, and a pair of slippers to wear at the hospital. I'll be packing that up in my bag tonight.

The low carb diet that the endocrinologist put me on is working. My blood sugar looks good, but I really do miss carbs. I've asked my mother to bring banana bread, beef noodle casserole, and some chocolate chip cookies after the baby is born. The first thing I'd like to do once she's born is overdose on carbs. I think I'm going to make some noodle kugel before I go into labor and freeze it. Howie and I are thinking of asking his mother for some matzo ball soup and the sweet meatballs she makes. SOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! Right now I weigh 3 lbs. less than I did when I became pregnant. I was up to my pre-pregnancy weight but after starting this low carb diet I've lost weight again. Again, the doctors seem to think this is ok so I'm ok with it. I'm eating like crazy, it's just that I can't gain weight. I should shut up before people start throwing eggs at me. I'm not complaining. It's just ironic that I've always been so good at gaining weight and now that I'm pregnant I can't seem to do that. I know that I'm listing off high carb foods that I plan on eating once she's born, but I really am going to continue to eat healthfully once she arrives. Maybe I'll ask my mom to skip the chocolate chip cookies.

I've been having some Braxton Hicks contractions. Some hurt but most of the time it's just a cement hard belly and a tiny bit of pressure. My body is in training for labor. Woohoo!!!... I think. I don't mind having them and at this stage I guess it's normal. Seven weeks to go!

I'm nesting. Seriously nesting. Aislinn's room is coming along. It's looking good. We're still waiting for the glider, book shelf, and nightstand. We need to buy the mattress for the crib and a floor lamp. Right now I just have the crib sheet laying in the crib. I just wanted to see what it looked like, but it would be nice to have it on a mattress. I already have the diaper caddy on the dresser/changing table filled with diapers, Balmex, and onesies. For downstairs we need a diaper champ and a swing. I don't know if I'm going to get the swing but my sister swears that it's the best thing in the world to have. We've also put together the travel system and will soon be bringing the car seat to the police station to make sure that it was properly installed, if not then we'll learn how to do it the right way. Pretty soon we'll be putting the Pack n Play/Playard together. I figured that if we put it up now we can teach the cat that it's not his to sleep in rather than trying to teach him AFTER the baby comes along. I will also, because I'm a crazy nesting freak, stock the Pack n Play changing station with diapers, wipes, and Balmex. We have onesies, receiving blankets, burp clothes, rattles, pacifiers, and books stored in the baskets that fit inside our coffee table. I know, I seem insane but when we come home from the hospital it'll be nice that it's all done and over with. We'll just have to maintain it, which may not be easy but we'll try.

Here are some pics!

Howie putting the crib together.

Feeling pretty good about his work.

That's what it looks like when all the pieces are put together.

The dresser/changing table! Yes, I realized that having the diaper champ on the right didn't make any sense and it is now on the left. That picture frame will probably be moved to the nightstand after it arrives.

A close up of the crib and sheets. The little pillow goes with the glider, but the glider has yet to arrive.

Howie putting the wheels on the travel system.

Last Saturday I vacuumed the curtains, floor, furniture, behind the furniture, walls. Then I mopped our wood floors. Howie cleaned wood furniture and moved a bunch of other junk. He also went through some mail that we hadn't paid any attention to yet. Howie and I both did laundry that night too. On Monday morning I woke up early to meet with the exterminator. I was so tired, I really wasn't ready to get up yet. Our bedroom was kind of messy so while I was getting dressed I also cleaned the room, made the bed and opened the curtains. I would love for my desire for things to be perfectly clean even if I'm barely able to keep my eyes opened would continue after Aislinn is born, but I doubt it will. Believe me, I love a clean house and I love to organize, but normally when I'm insanely tired I don't clean. I just happen to be nesting at the moment so I can clean with my eyes closed. Last night I folded sheets until 1:00 am. I never realized how many bed linens we actually have until I pulled them all out of our linen closet. They were all folded very badly too. I couldn't live with that so all of them had to be re-folded. My back was killing me when I finished, but that's ok because now everything is folded nicely.

Tonight we clean the kitchen again. The exterminator left us with some powerful cockroach buttons and told us to make a bunch of homemade fruit fly traps. We now have to keep all dishes out of the sink, wipe down counters like crazy and put away the cat's bowls at night. Poor Kirby cat can't even have water at night. He's drinking out of the toilet instead. Anyway, I broke down and bought Special K cereal last night. I came home with it and put it in the fridge. The exterminator wants us to take away any food that the cockroaches can get to out of our home for at least a month, hopefully by then they will be gone. I guess I could put cereal into those air tight containers but we don't have any at the moment. I'm mostly doing this for myself rather than to keep food away from the cockroaches because my husband still has like 3 boxes of cereal so if they want to eat they can. This morning I was really looking forward to having some Special K. Lately I've been eating a doughnut and milk for breakfast, which I probably shouldn't have but it's within my 50 carbs. The doughnuts are also in the fridge. Anyway, I know that I need to measure my Special K so that I don't go over my carbs. When I open the drawer where we store our measuring cups I find a cockroach sitting on top of them looking up at me. Then I notice a couple others in the drawer. They all run off and I slam the drawer. This drawer is right next to our silverware drawer, so I decided that the silverware has probably been touched by the gross roaches. The whole plan of having cereal went to hell from there. I decided I would go ahead and have a doughnut and milk again because I don't need any silverware to eat a doughnut. I'm so disgusted. I told Howie about my encounter and he said that we would get air tight containers for everything and we could also clean the entire kitchen. Howie thinks that the roaches are getting desperate for food which is why they were in a drawer where there isn't food looking for it. I don't know, I just think they're gross and think that they own the entire kitchen and they want to touch all of our things. I want them out of here because if they don't go I don't know how we're going to ever clean the baby's bottles because I don't know if roaches are going to be crawling all over them and the bottle brushes that we use to clean the bottles. The fruit flies are gross and they're all over everything too. The traps that Howie has made are working, but we need more of them to slow down their life cycle. The flies are all over the damn house. I've never lived in such a gross environment. WE'RE CLEEEEEEEAN!!!! Our neighbors are insanely clean, so it's not them. They had to come in our boxes, and if they did I don't know that I EVER want to put my things in storage EVER again. I can't believe how gross this is. I want them all gone in the next 8 weeks or less.

Ok, enough about the nasty infestation. Yesterday was the first day of my 32nd week of pregnancy! I can't believe the weeks are going by so quickly now. Before I go I will attach the new picture of my belly.

Single Digits!!!

NINE weeks to go!!! Seriously, we're down to SINGLE digits, people!!! I'm feeling pretty good about it too.

I had an OB/GYN appointment. I'm rotating different doctors in the practice as Dr. Hot Stuff wanted me to, so on Monday I met Dr. Talks-Too-Much. My appointment was at 10:00 am, I got there at 9:50 am or so. The waiting room was full and it seems that the back-up was from Dr. Talks-Too-Much. I waited for an hour before I was called in. During my appointment I discovered that I lost a pound since being on this crazy no carb/gestational diabetes diet. Whatever, nobody seems to be worried about it. My blood pressure was 120/88... the 88 is still higher than it usually is but it seems like it's no big deal... yet. We listened to the baby's heart and it was around 130 which she said was normal for this stage. Belly size is right on track. I also got permission to go ahead and have sex with my husband again!! Woohooo!!! I know, TMI and for some people that's just gross that we still want to have sex, but whatever. It'll be at least 6 weeks after the baby is born before I can have sex with him again and who knows how long it'll be before I have enough energy to want to have sex, so it would be nice to be with my husband BEFORE the little princess arrives.

On Monday night Howie and I bought the paint for the baby's room! YAY!!! The guy at the paint store mixed the wrong color first, it was a much lighter pink. He said that he wasn't going to charge us for it if we wanted to take that too. FREE paint! Howie took it without a thought. Now we have a gallon of light pink paint... what are we going to use it for? Howie's first thought was using it for the trim in the room. That's not going to happen, it's not in the design and the trim already looks so nice and perfectly white. His second thought was to paint our downstairs bathroom pink. We have a nautical theme going on in there at the moment and it's the one bathroom that our guests will see. Pink isn't the color for that bathroom. If he's dying to paint any room pink the only one I'd say yes to is our full bathroom upstairs, but even then I don't know. Howie and I both want that one to be blue. I think the only place that this light pink is acceptable is the baby's closet. We'll see, Howie didn't want to paint the closet. I'd paint it myself but I'm not allowed to do that. Last night Howie and I taped off the molding in the baby's room and tonight the painting begins!!! YAY!! Howie's parents ordered the crib, dresser, and rug on Sunday. This weekend my parents will be buying us the glider. My mother also wanted us to do the cord blood banking and told us that she'd pay for that. Howie and I are going to buy the bookcase and side table. I feel much more relaxed now that things are moving along in the baby's room.

I called the pediatrician's office yesterday. They took my info and told me that some guy would be calling me back to tell me when the next "Meet the Doctors Night" is scheduled. I didn't know that there was any such thing. It's nice that it takes place at night so that Howie doesn't have to take time off of work.

We still have a list of things to do. Next Wednesday we're going to go to the police department to learn how to properly install the car seat. My doula is sending us a list of postpartum doulas and baby nurses for us to interview. We're not going to have both, we just don't know which we want. My bag for the hospital is half packed and half of the outfit the baby will come home in is picked out. She'll be wearing the sweater and hat that Howie wore home from the hospital when he was a baby. Next Monday an exterminator is coming to our house to help us with our cockroach and fruit fly problem. The whole bug invasion is just gross. I think the bugs crawled into our boxes while our stuff was in storage, now they're living in our home. I want them out of here before the baby is born. I need to wash all of the baby clothes, blankets, and towels. The linen closet needs to be reorganized so that the baby tub will fit. After that we should only have a few things to organize and some baby things to put together. I'm hoping that being prepared for her to come at any time will make her want to stay in there until her due date. I know that if I wasn't prepared she'd come early.

Aislinn is getting really heavy. My back, right hip, and pelvis are killing me. I can no longer sleep on my side because it only makes the pain worse. Don't worry, that doesn't mean I'm being bad and sleeping on my back. I've been sleeping sitting up. It's actually a lot easier for me to get out of bed this way too. I am still using my Snoogle pillow. I kind of create a circle with it and put my butt in the middle so that the pillow goes around my back, hips and under my legs. I also have two pillows behind my back and my tiny kidney bean shaped pillow supporting my lower back. I think that's how I'll be sleeping until the end of the pregnancy. It'll be really nice to sleep any way I want after she arrives. Well, I'm sure by then any kind of sleep in any position anywhere will be nice.

I'm also looking forward to eating carbs and deli meat again. I'll continue to eat healthy, but it'll be great to have more variety in my diet. I can tell you that it will be a long time before I eat eggs again, because right now I eat eggs for breakfast and egg salad for lunch and it's REALLY getting old. It was just the easiest thing to do in the first week, we're coming up with other options. After the exterminator visits I'll be able to buy some Special K without worrying about cockroaches getting into it. Special K is one of the few cereals that don't have too many carbs. Howie isn't as worried about cockroaches in his cereal so he's still eating it. I hate watching him eat things like cereal, stuffing, mashed potatoes. If I didn't suspect that cockroaches and rolled around in his Lucky Charms I'd tackle him to the floor and inhale the entire bowl. I don't even like sugary bad cereals but at this point I'm desperate and I'd take it. I'd trade my scrambled cheese eggs for some Fruit Loops if I could. If I got my hands on some pancakes right now I'd probably cry and then kiss them all over. Our last trip to the grocery store was sad. I wandered down the baking aisle, ice cream aisle, and the bakery with my mouth watering. From time to time I'd pick up an item and look at the nutrition label and then with much disappointment and extreme sadness I would return the item to the shelf. I'm already day dreaming about what Aislinn's 1st birthday cake will be like just because I want to eat it. It's ok, my diet is making her healthier. I'm going to go eat some low carb yogurt now.

Thanksgiving and the Very Bad Cold

Happy Thanksgiving! Howie and I spent the holiday with my sister, brother-in-law, and 7-month old niece. Dinner was full of many carbs I craved but couldn't eat. I have been waiting for Thanksgiving dinner since my first trimester. The turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie!!! I was only able to eat 3 servings of turkey, one bite of mashed potatoes, one bite of stuffing, 3 bites of green bean casserole, and one bite of cranberry sauce. My sister didn't have pumpkin pie because she doesn't like it, but she did have pumpkin cheese cake, which I still couldn't eat. She also had chocolate cream pie and apple pie, those aren't allowed on my diet either. After watching people eat their yummy desserts while I drank two sips of black tea that seemed to have pregnancy friendly ingredients I decided that I was going to have a tiny sliver of chocolate cream pie. Two hours later my blood sugar was fine. That doesn't mean that I'm going to run around eating sweets like it doesn't matter, it's just for one meal. Ok, and maybe if my blood sugar is low on Chanukkah and Christmas I'll have one tiny piece of dessert again.

On Friday morning I woke up to Aislinn kicking me like crazy and wasn't able to fall back to sleep. That was fine, I cuddled up with Howie and started to think about things that needed to be done around the house. The night before when we were at my sister's house watching our niece crawl around their living room floor I think Howie and I both realized that Aislinn is going to need room to have tummy time and eventually crawl and walk around. Things were pretty tight in our living room/dining room area the way it was set up. I started to rearrange the living room furniture in my head while Howie slept. When he woke up I thought I had it all worked out. We were going to have to move the bar into the dining room area, the couch had to go against the wall and we needed to move the whole entertainment center to another wall. Luckily Howie was up for moving furniture after he woke up. We moved the bar first. When we stood back and looked at the bar next to the sideboard I decided that the china cabinet had to be moved to the other side of the sideboard in order for things to be even. After Howie moved the china cabinet, which was very scary because it's so old and almost completely made of glass and contains lots of glass, I kind of thought that maybe that wall looked too crowed. Howie said that he thinks it looks good mostly because if he was going to have to move it back again he was going to lose his mind. I decided to ignore that wall until we finished moving the rest of the furniture. The next thing he moved was the couch, then the entertainment center, and then finally our chair, side table and small chest of drawers. I wasn't so sure about the new layout at first. I sat on the couch kind of unhappy with things but now it's starting to grow on me. Howie seems to really like it. We now have room for the playard, diaper champ, swing, playmat, and ExerSaucer. Yes, all of that and eventually a crawling baby. We also managed to reorganize my desk, the chest of drawers, and clear out the junk that we've been keeping in the baskets in our coffee table. Instead of random computer junk and CDs that I no longer listen to, the baskets now contain things like extra receiving blankets, burp cloths, bibs, onesies, small books, and some toys. That way we have a few things we'll need downstairs so that we don't always have to run up to the nursery to get something.

While we were moving things around and kicking up dust I thought I was having an allergy attack. When it hadn't disappeared by Saturday I realized that I actually had a cold. Our plan for Saturday was to head down to New Jersey because Howie's parents were serving Thanksgiving dinner, part 2. I was looking forward to seeing Howie's friends that I haven't seen since June. His parents wanted us to stay overnight so that we could all go to Pottery Barn Kids today to buy the baby furniture we had hoped to buy a month ago. When we got to Howie's parent's house I felt pretty awful but I tried to socialize with the guests while also keeping a safe distance. After everyone had arrived Howie's brother brought in the gift that he had bought for us. It was our travel system!!! We were so excited to get that because without it we can't bring the baby home from the hospital. We love it! After that I sat down at the kitchen table to have some pregnancy friendly tea. I guess I was looking especially shitty because Howie and his parents decided that I needed to lay down until dinner was served. When I came out for dinner I felt like I had a huge brain cloud. I was so out of it and not at all myself. Eating and drinking a bunch of water did make me feel a little bit better though. Once people finished eating and started chatting Howie encouraged me to go lay down again, which I did. He woke me up for dessert. I cheated again by having one small oatmeal raisin cookie with some water. It was tasted REALLY good, and my blood sugar was also good when I tested it two hours later. Howie was worried about me so he told his parents that we were going to head back home after their guests left. That way we'd be close to my doctor and our hospital if my cold got worse.

It was good to be home in my own environment. The first thing I did when we got home was take a really hot shower. That cleared my head a bit so that I'd be able to breathe when I went to sleep. Howie had already filled the humidifier and put it next to the bed for me. When I got into bed he lotioned and rubbed my feet. Before I completely passed out he brought me some toast and juice. Yes, juice! I know that my endocrinologist said NO JUICE but screw her. I have a cold and drinking milk and water doesn't help. Ok, water is good, but it doesn't soothe a sore throat. Milk only makes me more congested. So, yes, I'm drinking LIGHT orange juice. Howie had to sleep on the couch so that he wouldn't catch my cold. I didn't sleep well at all. I slept for maybe 15 minutes at a time until about 5:00 am and then I was out cold. Howie woke me up and served me breakfast in bed. Eggs, toast, and orange juice. About five minutes later I was coughing quite hard which at first made me lose control of my bladder and totally pee myself so I ran to the toilet to take care of that situation. After I flushed the toilet I started to cough again, but this time I coughed so hard that I was sure I was going to throw up. I called for Howie and told him to quickly distract me with a story, maybe then I wouldn't lose my breakfast. He started to tell me the story about how he was attacked by a duck somewhere and that someday he'd like to take Aislinn to this place with the angry ducks. When he asked me if I'd like to bring her there to I threw up my entire breakfast in the sink and then cried. Other than that I think I'm starting to feel a little bit better. Howie has insisted that I stay in bed all day. He says he wants me to rest up and get better, but I know that I've been quarantined so that he doesn't get sick before his interview tomorrow. So far it seems to be working out for us both, but I'm finding it hard to stay in bed. I've started nesting and all I can think about are things that need to be done around the house. Oh well, at least it's just for one day. I shouldn't complain because I know there are women out there on bedrest and it's much worse for them.

The Baby Shower and the Doctor Appointment

My baby shower was wonderful! I had a great time. The theme was Little Pumpkin and the colors were magenta, light pink, orange, and green. It was so good to see my family and friends, although I spent most of my time reminiscing with my friends. The gift table and floor around it was completely filled. Howie and my father-in-law crashed the shower to watch me open the gifts. We got our pack n play, high chair, ExerSaucer, baby papasan, and mobile. We also received many clothes, blankets, bibs, stuffed animals and books. I love them all. The big gift that is actually just on loan is the family bassinet. Everyone in the family since 1932 has slept in it. I guess the tradition is fairly new considering it started with my father's first cousin, but it's still nice that the family has one. There's a list of all the babies who have slept in the bassinet that we keep in a frame. Once Aislinn is born her name and birth date will be added to the list.



When Howie and I got home I couldn't wait to put some things away in the baby's closet. We received all of the closet organizers that we registered for and I just couldn't wait to see how well they organized!

Look at all of those diapers, two baskets full. The little critters in the blue wooden box next to the baskets are Scrubby Buddies from when I worked at Bath and Body Works many, many years ago. I've never used them, but I collected them all. Now they're discontinued but every once in a while they'll throw one into a gift set. I figured that Aislinn might like them, so there they are. Can you believe there are baby clothes in the closet? I couldn't believe it. I love to look at them. In 10 weeks I'll have a baby that will be wearing those clothes! Tiny itty bitty clothes! I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!! Yeah, I know that's old news but now that we have all of these baby things I'm starting to believe it.

And a little lamb to hang on the door when our little baby girl is sleeping.

I was thinking that I should buy Aislinn some rubber duckies because nobody thought to give us any. Seriously, look at that fleet of ducks. Don't mess with them! They will attack! Actually, I think it's a good thing that we have extras because I remember being totally in love with my rubber duckie when I was little, but after a while it got moldy inside and my mom had to throw it away and that just broke my heart. All I had left were my weebles in their boat and my sister's hand-me-down Barbie that was missing clumps of hair. Barbie was too tall for the weeble sailors and there was no room for her on their boat. The weebles were lonely and missed their aquatic friend, rubber duckie. Aislinn will never have to go through the trauma of losing her rubber duckie forever.

On Friday I received a call from my OB/GYN's office. The nurse told me that they got my blood test results back and I am anemic and have gestational diabetes. They told me that I have to take, no joke, 325 mg. of iron every morning and every night. Seriously, I'm going to need some collace with that. I then had to make an appointment with an endocrinologist, I went today at noon. Dr. S (the endocrinologist), gave me a blood glucose monitoring system, a diet record, and a list of foods and their carb content. She was surprised that I haven't gained much weight, but I told her that I lost a lot of weight in the beginning when I was sick and now I'm eating healthier foods. This seemed acceptable to her, she actually said that it's good that I haven't gained too much weight because it makes things with this gestational diabetes a little better. She explained how to use the monitoring system, told me that I'd have to check my glucose level four times a day, and then we went over the diet. Keep in mind I'm already avoiding sodium and caffeine in order to help avoid preeclampsia. Now sugar and carbs are banned from my diet. She would like me to ONLY drink water, but a little bit of milk is fine. I have to count the milk as a carb with my meals. I only get 50 grams of carbs per meal and milk is 20 grams, so she suggested that I take an extra calcium supplement. If I'm dying for sugar I can use splenda. I need to write down everything that I eat on my diet record and record the number of carbs eaten. Two hours after I finish eating I need to check my blood glucose level and write that down on the sheet. Once a week I will fax my diet record to Dr. S and we will discuss my week. In four weeks I have another appointment with her. If my glucose level isn't staying below 120 and I am following the diet then I will need to start taking insulin. So far (and I've only checked it once) it's working.

While I was at Dr. S's office her nurse took my blood pressure. Every time I've been to my OB/GYN's office it has been 120/70 or extremely close to that. Today my blood pressure was 126/88, which didn't seem to cause any alarm yet, but for me that is high. Not high enough to be dangerous or for me to be admitted to the hospital for preeclampsia, but I hope that it doesn't become a trend. I'm not going to freak out yet, but I have an appointment with another doctor at my OB/GYN's office on Monday and I'll talk to her about it then.